Christmas is Coming!!

Dear Teagan:
Oh, so much has happened over the past 2 weeks.
You found your voice. You love to just scream to hear yourself. It not a high-pitched scream, more like you yelling. It cracks me right up.
You've also been boycotting sleep for the past week. You've only slept through the night ONCE in about 10 days.
We had Christmas at O'Connells (grandpa's family) last weekend. You got a big Tonka truck that you probably won't be able to play with for quite some time, but you will love it when you can play. You also got a pillow pet & a laugh & learn puppy.
I'm so excited for your first Christmas. Too bad you won't care about much of it. Oh well, we'll all have fun with you!
I love you to the moon and back baby!
Love,
Mommy



P.S. This was written 12/22/10 and for some reason didn't get published then.

One Year & One Day Ago

Dear Teagan:
One year and one day ago is when we found out you were coming into our lives. It was an amazing day that I will never forget. It's hard to believe how much has changed in just one year!
You did great at your sleepover with grandma and aunt Lindsey! And daddy and I had a fantastic night out!!
The other day you got your picture taken with Santa! You had just woken up and weren't very smiley, but at least you didn't scream!!
You're getting so you laugh outloud a lot now. I love it! It's so cute!! I can tell already you are going to be quite the mischievous little kid. No idea where you'd get that from....
Well gotta go get ready to go Christmas shopping! You and daddy are waiting on me!! :-)
I love you to the moon & back!
Love,
Mommy

Tis The Season!

Dear Teagan:
With Thanksgiving out of the way, Christmas is right around the corner!! I can't wait!!
You looked so handsome Thanksgiving. I got a nice picture of you and cousin Willow at Nana & Papa's.

Then at Great Grandma's I got a picture of you with Isabella & Mollie. Mollie wasn't very cooperative because she kept wanting to run off.

Last Saturday Daddy and I took you to get our first family photos done and your Christmas pictures! You did so wonderful for your pictures! You smiled and looked so cute. I can't wait to get them back next Friday. Then I can send out Christmas cards! Yay!! I need to get your pictures done with Santa in the mall too. Probably next Friday when you stay with Aunt Erin for the day, I'll have her meet me there with you.
You are going to be sooooo spoiled for Christmas!! You probably will be overwhelmed with all of your new toys!! Daddy and I got a sweet deal on toys for Buy One Get One FREE last weekend, so I think I'll save one for Easter or something.
Yesterday I got to spend the day with you. Nana got sick while she was watching you so I came home and we got to hang out all day! I loved it! I would love to be able to do that once a week.
Tomorrow is your first sleepover with Grandma. We're going to Daddy's Christmas party, and it's open bar, so we'll be staying the night. So you'll stay at Grandma's with her and Aunt Lindsey. They're both so excited. I'm going to miss you so much and probably be a worry wart all night too. I hope you realize that I'm not abandoning you or anything. I will be back for you in the morning baby!
I love you to the moon & back baby.
Love,
Mommy

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving!

Dear Teagan:
Tomorrow is your very first real Thanksgiving! Not very exciting for you at this point. It'll be the same as the one we had at great grandma Cole's a few weekends back. I'll eat the same food and you'll get a taste later on through the milk (unless I drink too much wine!)Today Aunt Lindsey is babysitting you and Grandpa will be in and out as well. I hope you're having a good day with them! I get out early today, so I'll see you soon!
Saturday when we left you with nana & poppy while daddy and I went to dinner, you did not have a good time. We were gone only an hour and a half and you cried for the entire time except maybe 20 minutes of it while you ate. I felt horrible. Nana looked so frazzled when we got back. I don't know why you were so upset. It seems as though all last week you were having screaming fits at about 5-5:30 every night. Maybe it was a growth spurt? Or maybe it was the fact that you wanted your mom and dad? I like to think that was the reason. :-)
Well time to pick you up!
I love you tons baby boy!
Love,
Mommy

Blah.

Dear Teagan:
You will realize very soon in life that nothing is ever "fair." You probably already know this actually. You are probably thinking "It's not fair my mom and dad aren't with me everyday" right now. That's what I'm thinking. It's not fair I'm not with you more. It's not fair to me or to you. It's not fair that when I am home that you are asleep so we never get to spend time together in the evenings. It's not fair that since I work 45 minutes from home I have to wake you up before you're ready to just so I can start getting you ready. It sucks. But for now that's what we have to do!
You are 3 months old now and very social! We had a recheck drs appt yesterday to see how you were gaining weight and you are now up to 12 lbs, 2 ounces! You've grown out of the majority of 0-3 month clothes. I packed them up this morning. It was bittersweet. I packed up the knit hat they put on you when you were first born...it's sooo teeny tiny! I came out and showed dad and I just wanted to cry. But now we're on to the big boy clothes and I'm excited about that because we have some really cute outfits for you to wear!
I went to a job interview last week and was offered the job. It's at a daycare and I'd really like to accept the position, but financially, it's not a good choice. It would Be the same amount of money, same drive, and less hours.
Hopefully a great job opportunity will come along soon!
Grandma Karen babysat you the other day. You loved hangin out with her and Sherm, and they really enjoyed watching you!
Tonight dad and I are going to go out to dinner. We'll only be gone about and hour or 2. So you'll hang out with nana and poppy.
Well, it seems as though you are hungry!
I love you with all my heart.
Love,
Mommy

Life Is Great

Dear Teagan:
You have the best daddy in the whole wide world! WE are so lucky! Last Saturday night I went to a friends for ladies night and was out until 1am and he gave you your bath and got you all put to bed and everything by himself and without any complaints! Then the next day, Sunday, I took you to grandma's and we were there from about 10:30 until probably 2ish and I came home to a spick and span clean house. Daddy cleaned all day while we were gone! I was so relieved. I really did not want to come home and have to clean and get dinner and everything ready for the week. So that was good.
Halloween weekend was crazy busy and I didn't have time on Sunday (Halloween) to get everything prepared for the week and the house was a mess that I got so overwhelmed I had to take Tuesday off. Not to mention you were mr fussybutt for some reason and I wanted to party all night. Which was completely crazy since you've been sleeping through the night since I've been back to work! Then the folowing week I think daylight savings messed with your sleep schedule. You were falling asleep too early and not getting your bedtime snack, so you were waking up hungry around 2ish.
You're such a big kid, and a stud. You sit in your highchair while we eat dinner and since we're good parents we don't lock the wheels on it and you kick and push off the table so you roll backwards. You think it's so funny, and so do we.
Last week grandma had Thursday off for Veteran's day so you got to go spend the day with her and aunt Lindsey. They were so excited and you had such a great day with them! They tuckered you right out and you finally slept through the night again! Then Friday you went with aunt Erin like usual and she took you to girls day lunch. All of her friends have the little girls you'll go to school with. So you were the only boy with 5 little girls! What a pimp!
Yesterday daddy and I were home all day with you and I loved it! Nothing to do but play with you! We played on the floor with some toys and I was trying to get you to roll over- AGAIN, yes, you rolled over last Monday 3 times and now we just can't get you to do it again! Oh well, you will when you're ready.
Today is early thanksgiving with poppy's family! I made an Oreo cheesecake and I can't wait to eat all the thanksgiving food and my cheesecake! Yum! And hopefully we'll have the opportunity to get some nice family photos!
I love you tons and tons baby. To the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy

10 Weeks Old

Dear Teagan:
You are 10 weeks old today! I can't believe it! Last night daddy and I were talking about it and he asked "Remember when you were only 10 weeks along?" And ya know what? I hardly remember that at all. I hardly remember anything about being pregnant. I can't really remember my life without you here. And then dad said well I hope that doesn't happen to him. And I didn't understand what he meant, but what he was trying to say was that he hopes in a year or so from now we don't forget what it was like when you were 10 weeks old. I don't want to forget any part of you growing up. So now I'm torn. I only have limited time with you on weekdays. Of course you are my #1 priority, but there are things that I must do at home. I feel guilty washing dishes and doing laundry although it needs to be done because in that time I should be spending it with you. I could spend every night doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. and 10 years from now be doing the same thing every night and try to look back and not have any memories of you as a baby because I was too busy with life. I don't want it to be like that. I wish when I was home I could be all yours. I mean I could put you in the Moby Wrap or Bjorn and wear you while I get everything done, but then it's not fair to daddy. Ugh. I just want more time to spend with you.
I probably only get to spend about 50 waking hours with you a week. That's only 2.5 more hours than I spend between working and the time it takes to drive to and from work. It's not right.
So on that note, I have sent out my resume to a few potential employers looking for different jobs. I hope something comes along for me. Daddy thinks I should take the substitute position and hope like hell it gets me a permanent position with the school next year. I'm just worried I won't get called into work enough and I won't be bringing home any money. The health insurance is no longer an issue because in January I can go back on Gramma's insurance since I'm under the age of 26. And then I'll just put you on Child Health Plus which is a way better deal.
We'll see!
Time to rush home to you and our nightly craziness.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy

2 Months Old Already?!?!

Dear Teagan:
You're already 2 months old (and one day)! Holy crap where does time go?!? Daddy was just saying how fast it has gone by and that in another ten months you'll be a year old. Which is only 5 more 2 months! It's crazy how slow time went by the whole time I was pregnant and now that you're out it's flying by!
So I've been back to work for a week now and it's going okay. It really sucks that starting this past Monday daddy started working out of town and doesn't get home until the same time as I do. So it's really hard to feed you, pump, freeze all the milk I pumped while at work, get dinner done, try to do laundry, eat dinner, give you a bath, get you ready for bed, read a story and then feed you and pump again all before 9pm when I want to go to bed. Last week at least daddy would be home and showered and he even had time to get dinner at least started before I got home, but now we get home at the same time and he needs to shower while I feed you and then pump. Ahhh its just so hard.
I get a little stressed out about your level of care with nana, although I shouldn't. I know she'd never do anything to hurt you of course, but I just am a bit crazy about how I want things done and for some reason my brain seems to think if things aren't done exactly how I do them you may not survive. Okay, not really, but I'm just neurotic about how I want things done. I guess I just have to let some things go. I know in all actuality, you'll be just fine. You're too young for anyone to really screw you up anyhow!
Well I have to get going. Time to go pick you up!! :-)
I love you tons and tons and I miss you terribly while I work!
Love,
Mommy

First Day Back to Work

Dear Teagan:
Today you are with Nana while I'm at work. It's actually not as bad as I had anticipated it to be. I got everything all ready last night. Your diaper bag packed, your clothes picked out, my lunch packed and all my pumping stuff packed. So this morning went pretty smoothly. We were out of the house by 6:55am and I had enough time to get you to nana's and go over a few things with her. It wasn't the leaving you part that sucked, its the fact that I have to be gone for so many hours. I miss you so much. I also feel so bad because I feel like you must be so confused as to why your mom would leave you! I'm coming back for you baby don't worry!! While I was in the shower this morning, you were in your bouncy seat and daddy came in to say goodbye to you and gave you some kind of talk. All I heard was that he would be super fast getting home after work so he could hurry up and get you. Then around 9ish he texted me asking if I had called and checked on you yet. I hadn't so then a while later he texted me back and said he called to check on you. He must have been worried about you as well!! At lunch at noon I called and checked on you too. You sounded happy. Nana put the phone near you so I could say hi and she said you started kicking at the sound of my voice and I could hear you chatting. You're such a good baby.
On Sunday you and daddy were twins!!

You guys look so much alike it's scary!
So I was a bit concerned about the pumping at work situation, but everyone is very supportive of it. I have a good schedule going and no one minds which is good. I'm pretty lucky to be able to pump when I need to. I know it's required by law now that employers have to give you a place to do it, but some people, such as teachers, don't have the opportunity to do it on a schedule. So I'm glad that I do.
Alright, I should probably get back to working.
I love you tons and tons baby.
Love,
Mommy

What Nobody Tells You

Dear Teagan:
There are so many things about being a parent that I didn't expect. So many things no one told your father and I! Yeah, we knew we'd be responsible for your life and that we'd forever be broke. But then there are things I wish someone would have told me. This entry is basically all me to go back and read before your brother or sister comes along. I'll need the reminder.
Labor & Delivery: I always heard about how it would hurt, but no one tells you about how you get checked all the time and how incredibily uncomfortable it feels. Not to mention right before it's time to push they give you a perinium massage which feels like someones giving you the fish hook on your mouth, only it's your hooha. Also you hear about womens water breaking, well my dr broke mine. I expected he'd break it and that was that, but no, fluid keeps coming out, and it's gross. Then at times I honestly wondered why people have more than one kid. Now pushing, the part you think would hurt, it doesn't. You're too focused on good pushes and hurrying up and getting it put you don't hardly feel the contractions while you push.
Recovery: No one told me that after I had you that I would need like 4 boxes of maxipads because you bleed so incredibly much. Also, I didn't know it was good to have dermaplast and tucks pads to help alleviate the burning "down there." Also, it hurts to walk kind of for a few days because your bones hurt. Or to stand up after sitting, the pressure hurts the bones. It just sucked.
Breastfeeding: breastfeeding is a lot like being pregnant still. You still have to watch what you eat, can't have too much caffiene, and you can't get drunk. It's interesting finding what upsets your belly. So far beans, onions, eggs (or at least egg salad) grandma's homemade spaghetti sauce, and the most depressing, apple cider. I really love cider and found out that you didn't like it at about 5am three mornings in a row when you would barf, more like projectile vomit, down my nightgown!! Finally it clicked that it was my nightly glass of warm apple cider. :-/ Also, you need special bras that I like to call easy access bras. Finding nursing clothes is a pain. No one sells them around here!! Since I'm home for now, I wear tank tops everyday and usually freeze. Same thing to bed. Then there's pumping. I pump after each feeding in hopes to have enough stored to be able to hopefully stop pumping in may or June and still give you breastmilk until you turn one! And pumping makes me feel like a cow. It's exactly the same process! Daddy, Nana & papa all call me the milk machine. Oh joy.
Overall: hot flashes!! Holy cow, it's insane!! What else is insane is how fast you grow. So many people say to enjoy every minute and it's so hard when you are exhausted from getting up every 3-5 hours. But if you really do sleep when the baby sleeps the exhaustion isn't so bad...I assume, I haven't taken the advice. In the begining I thought i was fine with the lack of sleep and now it seems like I want to sleep longer.
No one told me how I would feel the first time I made you smile. Not just gas, but a real legit smile. It's been happening for a week now and they're more and more frequent. That's the best thing about getting up in the morning. You are soo smiley. And at night when I put you in your crib i listen to you on the monitor from our bedroom and you will sometimes giggle in your sleep or you will talk to the stars on your ceiling. It's an amazing feeling being a parent. And about your dad- no one told me how our relationship would change. We're so much closer. I love to watch him sit with you and I love hearing him tell you stories. I never imagined how great he'd be with you! I mean I knew of course he'd be a great dad, I just didn't think he'd want to change so many diapers and give you a bath! How could anyone not want to give you a bath?! You love it and are soo happy!! You're also very happy when you get changed. We put stuffed animals in between the wall and the changing table and you noticed them right away, but now you reach for them as well as talk to them. It's so cute!!!
No one tells you when it's appropriate to call the pediatrician. Like when you kept barfing, should I have called then?
Oh so much has happened with you already that I didn't expect and I'm sure ao much more will! I just love it!!
I love you tons and tons baby boy!
Love,
Mommy

Last Whole Week Home

Dear Teagan:
This is the last whole week we have to spend together. At first I had planned to go back go work tomorrow. But nana would only be able to watch you tomorrow and then she's going to Vegas so I would have to find a different sitter for you and I really don't want to have to worry about that the first week I get back to work!
I'm ready to go back to work because I get bored at home, but I don't want to leave you for so many hours. I also don't want to miss anything! I want to be the one there for all your milestones- first time you roll over or first step, first word, etc. I feel like having to work your first year is nonsense. Bullshit actually. Daddy keeps saying he's going to get rich so we can stay home together. That would be nice because then I would get a part time job just to get out of the house a couple hours a day, like 20-25 hours a week would be good!
Gouverneur school called me to offer me a substitute teacher position. It would be absolutely perfect, except since it's part time I wouldn't have health insurance. Well, you either since you're on my insurance. I could also see about getting you on child health plus.
Also, the daycare on Fort Drum is hiring so I need to get on my resume and get that sent in. That way, I would bring you with me and get to see you a few times a day at least. And then you wouldn't have to go to nana's everyday. It's not that I don't trust her, because I do very much, I guess it's a little jealousy? She'll get to see you all day everyday while I get only enough time to feed you, bathe you and put you to bed at night. I'm just very bitter about it.
You are going to get another cousin in less than 2 weeks! You guys will be in the same grade! Hopefuly you'll still be close although she's a girl.
Speaking of more family, your daddy needs to hurry up and just marry me already. I want to start trying to have another baby next summer. I would love to give you a brother!! Then we could wait a few years and have more!! Daddy even wants to try again next summer! Well hellooooo he better marry me or grandma might flip out! Actually, at this point I don't think she'd care. She's trying to convince aunt Erin and uncle Todd to have a baby and they don't even have a house!
Yesterday you had what I thought could have been blood in your poop. There were 2 like pieces of pink goo. So I kept an eye out for more, but nothing. But then after everytime you ate, you would throw up. And not just a little, but a lot. And it was like thick and slimey. I thought you were sick! So I took your temperature with a rectal thermometer. I usualy use a touchless one but thought maybe I should try the rectal to double check. Well, that was an experience! You pooped on me in the middle of it!! So then I had to take it again! It was normal. I thought maybe it just had something to do with what I ate. Finally before bed I fed you and for the first time that day you didn't throw up!! And today you are fine today!! You do have a stuffy nose though. I think you got a cold from daddy. He's had an icky cold for the past week. Also we went to grandma and grandpa's for dinner Sunday night and everyone over there had colds. I knew that, but it was pointless to keep you away from them. You were bound to get a cold eventually!
Yesterday we got DirecTV!! Woohoo! Finally for the first time in almost two years we'll have good tv! I also ordered daddy the NFL Sunday ticket! So now every Sunday you and daddy will be able to hang out and watch football. You do already, but now you'll be able to watch all the games!!
Okay time for me to shower and get a move on on the laundry! You're out of clean bibs since you've been barfing all over them!!
I love you baby!
Love,
Mommy

Bigggg boy!!!

Dear Teagan:
We went to your one month check up yesterday and you weigh 9 pounds and 1 ounce and are 22.75 inches long!! You're getting sooo big!!! Which is kind of good because you now fit into your cute clothes. Not all of them, but more!
We never left you with grandma and grandpa because daddy thought he had to work out of town this week so he wanted to spend time with you. So instead we took you with us to bryans early in the day for only like 2 hours, then we went to cousin Layken's baptism party. You guys are about the same size, although you are a bit heavier. It's really great that her mommy, Erica, and I have eachother to talk to about development and breastfeeding and anything else.
While we were out and about yesterday we went shopping and got you some new clothes and I also bought a Moby Wrap and a Baby Bjorn carrier. Daddy will use the Bjorn and I've been using the wrap all day! I love it and so do you!!! It's great! Now I can get the housework done while I just wear you!!
Speaking of that housework, I should get back to it befor it's time for you to eat again.
I love you tons little man!!!
Love,
Mommy

4 Weeks Old!!

Dear Teagan:
You turned 4 weeks old yesterday!! I can't believe how fast time is flying by! It definately didn't go by this fast when you were in my belly that's for sure!! You're more and more alert by the day and smiling more often. It may be a reflex or gas, but as usual I like to think it's at me! You've started sleeping in your own room every night. For 3 full nights you've been in there and have done really well. We get up twice as usual and you fall right back to sleep.
I'm pretty angry at the fact that in 4 weeks I've only recieved 1 disability check!! It's annoying. I'm broke, have bills, and bored staying at home. The weather has be crappy so we haven't even been able to get out for walks or anything. Although the other day we did walk over to the neighbors (Anthony & Renee) to see their new baby. She's 3 weeks younger than you and oh so tiny. I think you guys will be friends.
Tomorrow will be my first time leaving you for an extended period of time. And by extended I mean more than an hour, probably more like 4-5 hours, if I can handle it. We're going to go to cousin Layken's baptism and then we're going to take you to grandma ans grandpa's and daddy and I are going to our friend bryan's party. We would take you, but it's on his land where he doesn't have a house yet. So it's too cold for you to be out all day. And what fun would that be for you to hang out in your stroller/carseat for that long? So instead you'll go hang out with grandma, grandpa and aunt Lindsey.
So this whole breastfeeding stuff is just crazy! Okay not crazy, but everyone says how breastfeeding is so much easier and more convenient. Well, I've got news, it's not. To me it seems like it'd be easier to just scoop some formula into a bottle of water, shake and feed it to ya. But no, I have to wear tank tops every day because no one around here sells nursing tops, and under those tank tops I wear granny bras specifally made to make nursing easier. Then I have to find an appropriate place to feed you in public, or time it just right so you wont need to eat for a while. Or when we're not in public I have to excuse myself from everyone else to feed you so I end up sitting alone. Then after feeding you I have to get all my pump parts put together and pump whatever milk is left in me so I can freeze it. It's just such a process. And in the middle of the night when I pump that's when I end up getting the most milk, but it's super inconvenient to pump after feeding you then because I just want to get back to sleep. But if I don't pump at night then 1- I wake up so engorged and can't sleep unless I lie flat on my back because my breasts hurt so bad and 2- I compromise my milk supply. Oyeee. Buttt I feel like I'm doing the right thing for you and for me. You're going to be super healthy and so am I! And besides, formula smells bad.
Okay well off to check the mail in hopes I received disability check #2 today!
Love you pumpkin!!
Love,
Mommy

Rough Night

Dear Teagan:
Last night was rough. You decided to get up at 12:30 and you ate, everything seemed normal up until I laid you back down. You screamed. I gave you your binky, you were content for maybe 5 minutes then you were screaming again. I tried to give you your binky again but you weren't having it. So then I got up and walked you around the house- yeah you stayed wide awake all the while. So there it was, about 1:45 your were still wide awake and I was a walking zombie. I changed your butt and tried to put you back to bed. Once again, you screamed. I tried nursing you thinking maybe you were hungry still or that maybe some comfort nursing would put you to sleep...nope. More crying. So I rocked you for a bit then I decided to put you in your swing. Well, just as I was starting to doze off on the couch and I heard what sounded like you threw up, and sure enough, all over yourself, your blankie and the swing! So I got you all cleaned up with new jammies on and then I had to clean your swing. So at about 3:30 I put you back down and you didn't make a peep....until about 4:10 that is. So u again we got and I fed you. Then back to sleep you went. Come 6 we were up again. We tried to go back to sleep at 6:30 after that feeding and again you were screaming. So I finally did what I always said I would never do.....I put you in bed with me. We slept until about 7:20 in my bed. I woke up and decided to put you in your bed so I could sleep better. Bad idea, more screaming. So back in bed with me you went. Then the dog (buster) kept coming in and hitting the bed like he wanted something. I ignores him because I was too tired to get my butt out of bed...again, bad idea. I finally got put of bed to find that he had peed all over the floor! Ahhh! And then it decided to thunderstorm, making Lola go nuts. Man my day has been a wreck.
Today is definately pajama Monday. I can't wait for dad to get home. I want to take a nice long hot bath.
Okay well I need to get brainstorming for something easy to make for dinner, but something also yummy and comforting since it's cold and wet out.
Oooh how I hope tonight goes better!
Love you turd!
Love,
Mommy

3 weeks old!!

Dear Teagan:
I can't believe you are 3 weeks old today!! You're getting so big!! But, you can still fit into some newborn clothes, although when you stretch all the way out they seem to be a bit small! As much as I want you to stay little, I want you to get a little bit bigger so you can where all you're super cute clothes!

So you had your ultrasound on your hips done on Tuesday. You were such a good boy during it. And the lady that did your ultrasound did my ultrasound when I was pregnant for you. She even remembered me!! During the ultrasound I didn't think anything looked abnormal. She did both hips and to me it seemed like the one in question looked exactly the same! Well, sure enough your hips are normal! I just called your dr to check on the results! I'm so relieved because I looked up the brace you would have had to wear if there was a problem and it looks like it'd be very inconvenient to change you, and it'd take away from your cute clothes!
So your gas problem seemed to get increasingly worst, so I finally gave you gas drops. To me they seemed to make you more miserable and more gassy. So I sent dad to walmart after work yesterday to get some gripe water after I went to every store in gouverneur and couldn't find any. We gave you a dose after dad gave you your bottle because you had hiccups that were causing you to swallow air, and as soon as you swallowed the dose, your hiccups were gone. You didn't have gas all night! They are wonderful!
So since you were such a good baby last night we were able to put you in bed at 9 and dad and I went out and sat on the deck under the umbrella lights. I had some (more) wine and dad drank beer. I had been waiting to do that all summer. I couldn't wait to sit outside at night and have a drink with dad. But all summer it was so buggy, or by the time it got dark enough I was too tired and ready for bed, and of course I wasn't able to drink! I ended up having to bottle feed you all night because I drank a little too much wine. Whoops! I deserved it though!
Today it is super cold and just rainy & dreary out so we are sitting home and lounging all day! I'm going to make some homemade chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles. I haven't made it since probably last november! Dad will be so excited because it's one of his favorites!
Alrighty, time to get you fed and then start this soup!
I love you so much!
Love,
Mommy

Adjusting

Dear Teagan:
So we've been home for about 2 weeks now. Some days are easy, others, not so much. There have been times I've wanted to cry just because I'm so tired and overwhelmed by all the work you require. It's not often, but there have been a couple of nights that you've had such bad gas and a belly ache that you just scream and there is nothing I can do for you. I'm too scared to try gas drops. I had them out and ready for you this morning, but you seemed to have cleared your system on your own.
At your drs appt last Tuesday your bilirubin had gone down a little bit and they they said it was breastmilk jaundice and it really is nothing to worry about unless you turn hot yellow. They also think your hip may be coming out of the socket. So this Tuesday we have to go get an ultrasound on it. This doctor that told us this is just about ancient. He was my pediatritian when I was born 23 years ago. Grandma says that he doesn't take any chances with babies and will test everything under the sun if he thinks for a second that something could be wrong. I'm hoping he's just being extra precautious. I don't want you to have to wear a brace thing. But if you do, it's for the best!
Our outing last weekend went well. We got there, you ate then fell asleep until it was time to leave again.
Then this weekend all our family from Ohio is here. We went to grandma's yesterday and it was crazy. Good thing you're such a good baby. You were held practically all day long without a fuss. You did at one point projectile vomit all over mike, but that doesn't make you a bad baby. Then even later on when it got loud and crazy you just slept through it all.
I am producing milk up the wazoo these days. I pump after each time I feed you and I'm getting anywhere from 12-20 ounces extra a day to freeze. Makes me feel pretty good since I know you'll go through the frozen milk like crazy once I go back to work! I would hate for there to be a shortage! I think soon we'll have to buy a small chest freezer or something to store it all in. We dont have that much room in our freezer!
We did our first craft/project the other day. We made clay from scratch and dyed it blue and pressed your hands and feet into it to make keepsake ornaments for all your grandparents for grandparents day next weekend! I'm pretty excited about it! Silly me thought that grandparents day was today, but it's next Sunday, so we may just do them again because they turned out okay, but not as good as I wanted them to!
Alright Teague, time for me to call grandma and see what time we have to go back to her crazy house today!
I love you tons little man!
Love,
Mommy

Home & Settled!

Dear Teagan:
Finally home and starting to get our life normal. The first night home you only woke up to eat once! It was fantastic! Then it progressively got worst. Twice the next night, then 3 times the next. But now we're okay! You get up about every 3 hours which is fine with me! Daddy doesn't get up with you during the night because you were refusing a bottle up until yesterday! And also because he has to work so it makes more sense for me to get less sleep because I can sleep all day (yeah right)
Your first night home and your umbilical cord came off and you found your thumb! It still takes you a while to get it, but you love it when you do find it. Once we were home I stopped pumping and was only nursing you. I didn't care about supply I just wanted my breasts to feel normal again! But now we have them under control and I'm back to pumping after each feeding.
We've taken many trips out into the world already! Tuesday we went with aunt Lindsey tomypur doctors appointment and you weighed in at 7lbs 9oz. She did another bilirubin test and it was up 2 points since we left! She said not to worry that we'd test it again on Friday. Wednesday we stayed home all day and mommy caught up on housework. Thursday we went grocery shopping with nana. I was so worried I'd forget you that I started walking away without paying for my groceries!! I left
my debit card sitting right up there and just walked off. Oh silly mommy. Then Friday aunt Erin and I took you for your blood work and then went shopping!!! Your bilirubin stayed the same since Tuesday and they weren't too concerned about it. They said since you are breastfed that's probably why it isn't going down as quickly. But they told me to just continue on breastfeeding and they'll just check it next week at your appt then. Aunt Erin and I got you the cutest clothes!! I'd never shopped for a boy, everyone I know has always had girls! I didn't know how much fun little boys clothes were! We got you tons of football outfits for this fall whenyou watch the games with daddy! I also bought you your very first Gap hoodie! It's so stinkin cute!!! Someone grandma works with (Shelby) got you your first pair of Gap jeans already! They're super cute. You're going to be such a stud!
Tomorrow we're going on our first outing with daddy and it's also the first outing where you'll be out of your carseat. We're going to our friends house! You'll get to meet all of your future classmates! There will be 6 babies there all under the age of 1! It'll be fun! I was having a bit of anxiety about it sixe you weren't taking a bottle and I am non good about being discrete while nursing and I had a dream you peed thru your clothes and I didn't pack extras. But now I'm feeling better about it and I'm excited to go!
Now off to fold and put away all your new clothes!
Love you baby boy!
Love,
Mommy

We're Still Here

Dear Teagan:
Day 4 and we're still here in this stupid hospital. Yesterday morning your bilirubin level was at a 10.92 so that was good. The pediatrician and I decided to leave you off the UV lights and test you again at 4pm to see where it was then. She said if it was 12 or under we could take you home. I had high hopes! But 4 rolled around and your level was back up to 12.11. .11 over the going home limit. The pediatrician contemplated letting us take you, but thought it was best to just put you back under the lights for the night and go from there. The nurses assured me that this was best and that had they let me take you home we'd be back here the following morning for a blood draw, and if it was any higher they'd admit you and we'd be up on the pediatrics floor. So I am glad that we don't have to go through that. So dad and I left when you got under the lights and we went to grandma and grandpas for dinner and also stopped at WalMart to get a few things I needed. We came back for your 9pm feeding and dad got to hold you for a little bit too. Then you went back and when I went to get you at midnight the nurse working happened to also be the lactation consultant. So I ended up feeding you while she watched so she could help me out. The next 2 feedings she chatted with me and helped me out. It was nice to have the company while feeding, and it was even better having the feedback. Now I'm really feeling confident about taking you home and breastfeeding going really well. She also had me fill out a paper for the lactation consultant up our way to come visit us at home if we need her to! And it's free! And we love free!! Hopefully we don't have any problems where we'd need her to come to our house, but its good to know she'll be calling and checking on us and if we did need her she would come. If not, I can just ask her questions over the phone!
Alright, I'm off to go get you for a feeding and hopefully good news!!
I love you tons munchkin!
Love,
Mommy

Stupid Jaundice!

Dear Teagan:
Well we thought we would have you at home to ourselves by now but no. You are down in the nursery under the UV lights catching a tan while I sit here in this hospital bed. You're doing great though! Waking up every 3 hours exactly for your feedings and filling diapers left and right. On day 1 your bilirubin level was an 8.4, not too bad so they didn't do anything they just were going to check it again on day 2. That was yesterday. They said the lab would come get your blood at 6am, but no, she didn't show up until almost 8am. But my Dr. came in at 6am and said I could be discharged because I was good to go. We were just waiting on you! So we didn't get your results back until around 10:30. Then they said your level was at 11.3 so they wanted to take more blood at 2pm and we were hoping by then there would be no change and we'd be on our way. So 2pm rolled around and a lab tech actually was on time and so we knew we had about 2-3 hours to wait so daddy and I decided to go to the mall really super fast to get me some nursing bras and a nursing cover since we'd be having lots of visitors once we got home. So i stopped at the nurses station and told them I would be right back and the lady said that was fine. Next think I know we're walking through the mall and I get a call from the maternity ward saying I needed to come back asap. I thought something was seriously wrong with you. But luckily, that was not the case. I had apparently NOT been officially discharged on paper and I wasn't supposed to leave! Ahhh! Whoops! So we got back here as quickly as possible. The nurses thought it was kind of funny. So around 4pm they came in with the bad news. Your bilirubin levels were up to 14. So with that they took you away to the nursery for your tanning session. They said you needed to be under the lights at all times except to eat, and even then you were only allowed to be out for a 1/2 hour. I cried. I just wanted to take you home. I told dad he could go home and he was about to but then I started crying again. I was a mess. Between the hormones and the lack of sleep I just couldn't deal well. The nurse came in and brought me an electric hospital grade pump because I was so engorged and the manual one they brought earlier wasn't doing much for me. She said I had enough pumped to go home as long as I was back by 7am this morning. I thought about it, but I really did not like the idea of leaving you here and you feeding from a bottle and not coming out of the isolette. So I decided to leave around 6:30 and let the nurse feed you with a bottle of expressed milk and then I'd be back by 10 for a feeding. It made me cry seeing you from the window under the lights in the isolette. I knew it didn't hurt you or anything, but it was just hard to see. Daddy took me to grandma and grandpa's and he went home to the dogs and cat. If it wasn't for the animals I wouldn't have felt so bad about staying longer I don't think. I just felt like we haven't been home in like 4 days and then we'd come home with a baby and they'd be so mad at us. So anyway, dad dropped me off and I went in to grandmas and had another nervous breakdown. I didn't want dad to have to stay at home without us, but he was tired and cranky and needed to get some good sleep. Apparently when he got home he had a little bit of a breakdown too. He hated the fact that he had left us here. This was not the plan. The plan was for you to be born and then we all come home together as one happy family. I never thought I'd be at the hospital with you while dad was at home.
So I hung out with grandma for a little bit until my breasts hurt and I needed to get back here to pump. I got back around 8:30 and pumped then took a shower. At 10 I went down to get you and we came back and ate. 1am rolled around and a nurse brought you to me to eat. You had a hard time latching on at that feeding so I had to pump to get you to latch on. So after taking you back I set my alarm for 10 minutes before I had to go get you so I could pump before you came to me. That worked well. You were right on schedule every time. I'd get to the nursery and you'd be all changed and waiting at the door in your little crib. Then after eating I'd take you back and you'd fall right asleep until next time. The nurses said you must be eating good to keep you asleep for that long and that every diaper change was poop and pee. Which is exactly what we need to get that bilirubin out of your system!
They said the lab was right on time this morning at 6 and they took your blood. I'm waiting to hear back on those results and to talk to a pediatrician that will be seeing you today.
Well little man, you need to eat again in about 45 minutes so I'm going to get something to eat and go get you and see what the good word is this morning!
I love you tons and tons and I hope today is our day to bring you home!
Love,
Mommy

One Day Old!!

Dear Teagan:
Today was supposed to be your due date but you did end up making your debut a day early!!! I'm so happy that you are here. You are the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world. Absolutely perfect!! I can't even begin to describe the feelings I have for you. Now, so we never forget, here is your birth story.
All day Tuesday at work I was having a lot of cramping and contractions and they wouldn't go away with water or anything. I didn't think too much of it though. I went home, ate dinner with Daddy and then all of a sudden I was exhausted. I went to bed at 9. I remember looking at the clock at 9:15 because I was having a contraction and I was going to see when the next one came. Instead, I fell asleep. I was awoken around 11 with another contraction. It hurt, but not too bad so I fell back asleep. About 1ish I was awoken to another. I got up and used the bathroom and let the dogs out and had another. I decided to stay on the couch for a while and try timing them. It was wishful thinking that they meant anything but I liked timing them anyway. After having them for about an hour I was starting to fall asleep so I went back to bed. The contractions continued throughout the night and were getting more and more painful. I would just breathe (apparently heavily) through them. Daddy got up and went to work but questioned whether or not he should stay home with me. I told him go ahead, it was no big deal because the contractions were coming so irregularly. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I had already known that I would be calling into work as I had a job interview at Gouverneur School. I was really hoping the contractions would slow down or go away so I could go to my interview. That didn't happen. I took two hot showers to try and ease the pain in my back that was coming with contractions. It worked a little. I also tried rocking back and forth and bouncing a little on my yoga ball. Finally it was time to go to the interview. I got there and the principal was the main interviewer. When he called me the week before I told him I was pregnant and due on Friday and he said that was okay and that he used to be an EMT and had delivered a baby before. He jokingly said that he could interview me in between contractions to distract me. Well, little did he know that that really would be the case. I got to the interview, still having contractions and I had noticed they were getting more and more frequent. I went in gave it my best. I was interviewed by Mr. Dickson along with 5 other teachers who were females. In the middle of the interview one of the teachers asked when I was due and I told her Friday, which then lead the principal to ask "Are you having Braxton Hicks or contractions?" So I said "I'm not really sure." So he goes "Well I've been watching you and timing them and they're about 7 minutes apart, I think you're in labor." So I tried to brush it off and continue with the interview, but when he noticed them coming about 6 minutes apart he wrapped things up. They were all so worried about me driving home and this and that. They told me I had won the competition for the day. Early before it was my turn apparently a man had come in with a broken foot shoved into a shoe for the interview and he was in a lot of pain and they though that he was the winner, until I came in.
So after I was escorted to my car, I was instructed to call my Dr. So I did and they told me to come right in to get checked out. I called Daddy to come home from work and he did. He was nervous I could tell. Like instead of being in a super hurry he took a shower and then proceeded to shave his face. Oh well I was in no hurry. I thought that this was just false labor and they'd send me home. We got to the Drs office about 2:15 and I was seen by Dr. Eugene since Dr. Dodard was on vacation. He checked me and I was 2-3 cm dilated. He tried stretching me to a 3 and stripped my membranes. He told us that he would probably see us in the next few hours and that we should go home and eat, walk and relax. So thats what we did. I couldn't sleep, I was too anxious and contractions were down to 5 minutes apart. At around 8:30 Daddy starting getting nervous since my contractions were about 4 minutes apart. We were supposed to call when they were anywhere from 3-5 mins apart. I was just in denial I think about it being real so I was procrastinating calling. Finally about 9 I called and they told me to go in. We got to the hospital about 10pm on Wednesday night. I was hooked up to monitors to monitor my contractions and your heartrate. She checked my cervix and I was still only at a 3, but she said I was contacting a lot. (I could have told her that!) The nurse had me drink some juice and lay on my side to get your heart rate to accelerate to make sure you didn't lose oxygen during contractions. It worked. At 10:50 she told us to go walk the halls for an hour and come back and she'd recheck me. We walked for about 40 minutes and then I needed to lay down. I was starting to get dizzy and feeling like I was going to pass out when I had contractions. We laid down and the nurse didn't come back in until about 12:30am. She checked me and I was about a 3-4. That's it?! By then the contractions were really hurting. I was falling asleep in between them and waking up in excruciating pain. Grandma and Grandpa decided to come in around 1am I think it was. Then a nurse came in and asked me if I wanted anything for pain. I told her yes although my plan was to go all natural. I couldn't do it anymore and I needed some sleep. They offered me an epidural or some IV drugs that would take the edge off. I went with the IV drugs. As soon as they injected them man did I feel them. I started feeling really fuzzy and was in and out of it. Dr Eugene came in and broke my water and some lab guy came in and took blood work in case I wanted the epidural at some point. This is where everything gets really blurry. I know I was talking in my sleep and not making any sense at all. I'm pretty sure I did sleep for at least an hour without too much pain. At some point the nurse asked me if I wanted pitocin to speed up the contractions....Uhhh no thanks. I was in enough pain and I've heard how the pitocin will stack contractions and I didn't want that. I'm not sure if she checked me then or not. But when she did some back in a check me I was at 8 cm. She said I would dilate more if I just breathed through contractions and tried to relax. (Yeah, okay) I wanted the epidural now, but she said it was too late. She also made me get up out of bed and told me to walk around the room and when I had a contraction to squat down as far as possible to get your head in the perfect position since they knew delivery would be soon. After doing that a couple of times I started feeling like I was going to throw up from the pain and being out of bed. I tried sitting in a chair but I can't remember why I got up and into the bed. She checked me again and by now it was about 6:30 I think and she apparently told Grandma that your head was right there and I was just about all the way dilated. They said to give the nurse a call when I felt like I needed to poop. Well by then the contractions hardly hurt anymore, it was more the pressure of you being so low. I wanted to you out. At about 7:30 the nurse checked me again because I told her I felt like I needed to poop. I wasn't sure if that was what I really was feeling but I knew that when you get that feeling that its time to push. So she checked me and said I was just about at 10cm but there was a little bit of cervix still there that needed to dilate. She told me if I pushed it would cause it to swell and then it would be harder to get him out. After a little while Dr. Eugene came in and stretched me to a 10. We were ready to get you out. Daddy had every intention of staying up by my head while you were being delivered, but that didn't happen. The Dr had him get right down and hold one of my legs while grandma held the other. Aunt Erin stayed up by my head and was texting Grandpa who was out in the waiting room. The Dr said to me "You need to show some energy if you want this baby out." Once he said that, it was on. I went from being this crazy groggy drugged zombie to all of a sudden fully alive and functionable. I started pushing at about 8:10am. I was told to give 3 pushes for every contraction, but all of a sudden my contractions slowed down. They gave me some pitocin to get them going again. I started pushing. Sometimes even giving 4 pushes for each contraction. Dad was counting to 10 and cheering me on. The Dr said he could see your head and grandma started crying and her and daddy both were rooting for me to push you out. Finally, our came your head and the rest of you slid right out. You were born at 8:40am after only about a 1/2 hour of pushing. Aunt Erin said you were a boy. The Dr flopped you up on my chest and we were all checking you out. You were purple and a little slimy, but you were ours and just absolutely perfect. Daddy cut your cord and Grandma started taking lots of pictures. We tried to get you to nurse but you were too busy starting life. They weighed you and you tipped the scales at a whopping 7 pounds and 13 ounces. They wrapped you all up and put a hat on you and you got passed around the room to everyone. Great Gma even came to see you first thing! Grandpa was so excited to see you and hold you. Finally a boy for him. He's such a proud grandpa. He took all sorts of pictures on his phone so he could show you off.

After everyone left the room and they took you to the nursery it was time for me to get up. And it hurt. And I felt really dizzy. I rode in a wheelchair down to the postpartum room. They said you would be in the nursery for about 2 hours. As much as I wanted to see you again, I needed to sleep. I hadn't slept in 2 nights. Daddy and I both got an hour nap in before they brought you back. We each held you and then daddy went to get us some lunch. After lunch I tried to nurse you again. No luck. You were too tired. So instead we all took a 2 hour nap. Afterwards we were all feeling pretty good. You of course, stayed sleepy. Daddy and I both took showers and then it was time for visitors! Aunt Erin came and brought me some very pretty flowers and you some boy clothes! We tried to nurse again with the help of a nurse, but again, you were sleepy. She told me to just keep you there so you became familiar with my scent and that you would eventually get the hang of it. Then came nana and papa. They passed you around for a little bit and then Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Lindsey came to visit. You got passed around so much and your picture was being taken left and right. Poor thing, you got blinded by all the flashes probably. Finally, everyone left and daddy went and got us some dinner. You all of a sudden became wide awake. So we tried nursing again and tada! You latched right now. And ever since, you've been nursing like a champ. You were quite fussy last night when it came time for daddy and I to go to sleep. But a nurse came and took you to the nursery for your hearing screening. When you got back we nursed again and we both fell asleep until about 2:15. We were up from then until 3 nursing and I changed you. That meconium poop of yours is quite icky and definately tarry like it was described to be! Then we went to sleep again and woke up at about 5:45 to nurse again. And I've been up ever since. You fell back asleep around 7:40, right before Grandma came to visit before work! While she was here visiting, the peditrician came to visit and check you out. You finally got measured. You are 21" long and perfect in everyway. He did mention that you looked to be a little bit jaundiced. They took you off to the nursery to get circumcised and to test you for jaundice. While you were gone I got myself showered and even put on a real nightgown. I was over the hospital gown! They brought you back just in time. They said you didn't even cry during the circumcision!! Your biliruben levels were high so a lab tech came in to draw blood to be sent out for a more accurate reading. You slept while she took you blood. You're such a strong lil fella! You've been sleeping ever since.
So far Grandma came to visit before work. Great Gma came and visited for a little while. Then Jenn came and brought you some outfits. And then Aunt Sheila & Uncle Todd came to meet you! And it's not just me, we all think you are perfect.
Daddy left this morning to go home to the dogs and do some stuff there. He also had to go to town and do some banking. He's on his way back now. He's just at Wal*Mart buying you some pants since we have lots of onesies and no pants!
Well my little man, you are ready to eat, so we will give it a try!
I love you tons!
Love,
Mommy

"Any day now"

Dear Bean:
Whenever anyone asks me when I'm due I tell them next Friday. But daddy and nana tell everyone any day now. Well yes, it could be any day now, but it bothers me because any day now could be like tomorrow whereas it probably won't be for another week or more.
We made it through Paul and Dee's wedding. I was sweating and having a ton of contractions. The bridal party was supposed to do the cupid shuffle, but, problem was, no one knew how to really do it. So of course, I got roped into being up there leading. 9 month pregnant chick in heals out on the dance floor shakin it- yeah, I was hott. Then once the dancing was really going, no one would let me sit. I was so hot and my feet were so achy and swollen. I did get some relief by goin into the walkin freezer!!! It was like heaven in there. All in all I had a good time. When we got home I took a nice shower and downed a bunch of water. Contractions still didn't stop and 2 of them were hard to walk through. But of course, I laid in bed, well fell asleep as soon as I hit the sheets and the contractions went away. Well if they didn't go away they weren't anything I couldn't sleep through.
So today I was feeling optimistic that today could possibley be your birthday, now that the wedding is over, but that optimism has gone away. I haven't had any good contractions today, just annoying ones. Although, I think you may have dropped more into my pelvis. My pubic bone is really hurting, I have a ton of pressure and I can feel you close to my butt when you move, and you hve been moving quite a bit today!! Well I guess no more today than any other day. Which is another reason why I think it'll be a while before you arrive, I hear babies movements slow down before they decide to come out. Yours haven't slow down in the least bit. And it makes me very uncomfortable whe you move in there, you don't have all that much room anymore, so you either hit my ribs or hips or just give me pains like you're twising my insides.
My massage the other night was great. I could use one like every other day. It made me a bit nauseous right after though. Kristy and I didnt end up getting pedicures because the wait was too long, so instead we opted for taco bell!
I was able to get my pedicure before the wedding though. Aunt Kim and I went together. My toes are sooo super cute!
Once again, the house is spotless. Grandma is letting me borrow her floor steamer tomorrow and I'll get that done tomorrow night and then I shall wait. Probably end up cleaning again next weekend to take my mind off waiting around for you. I still want to shampoo the living room. I thought about it today but it looked like it would rain so I didn't want to takethe chance of the dogs muddying it up so soon. Maybe next weekend or some morning this week on a day I leave the dogs out.
Alright I think I'll pop in a moving and take a lil nap. Daddy has been napping for 2 hours. I always find it super annoying when he naps because Im usually doing housework. Not that I even want him to be doing it, it's just the fact that I'm being productive and he's not that makes me mad. Oh well.
I love you tons Bean.
Love,
Mommy

Feeling Discouraged

Dear Bean:
It seems as though you will not be making your debut this weekend. Or probably within the next week. I'm feeling like I want to punch everyone that ever told me I wouldn't make it until my due date because I'm pretty sure I'll go over. I woke up in a fantastic mood today and was feeling extremely optimistic about my appointment. I even packed my bag in the car along with my Boppy and a bag for daddy just in case he had to leave from work. Well lo and behold you are not making an appearance any time soon. Only dilated to 1 cm. So basically I went from "starting to dilate" to dilated to 1 cm. I thought for sure with all the contractions I've been having that they would have dilated me more than that! I knew I should have just declined being checked today. I left the OB office wanting to cry. I feel like I will be eternally pregnant. I know I shouldn't feel like this with a week left until my due date, but I do. I just want you out. I want to meet you and hold you and kiss you and cuddle you and everything else.
But on the bright side, I won't be stressing anyone out this weekend by going into labor tomorrow. Daddy can be in the wedding and have a good time, Aunt Erin won't get interrupted on her camping trip and Gramma & Grampa won't have to worry about rushing home from Cortland. So I guess that's the good news.
I'm thinking if I just keep telling myself that I will be eternally pregnant then it will come as a complete surprise whenever you do decide you're good and ready to vacate the womb.
I'm so glad I'm getting my massage tonight. I really need it. And afterwards, pedicure with Kristy! If only I could have some wine while getting my toes done. But now I'm wondering if I'm using my pedicure gift card too soon. By the time you decide to come out I'm sure my toes won't be pretty still! :-( Oh well I'll have to just convince daddy that I need to get another one!
I love you Bean- but I would love you 110 times more if you would just come out.
Love,
Mommy

Into the Single Digit Countdown

Dear Bean:
8 days left until your estimated arrival date! I've been feeling more and more contractions and lots of cramping along with back pain. Hopefully it's working and getting you out of there! I hope you're ready! I really do not want to be overdue!
This Saturday Daddy is in Paul & Dee's wedding as the best man. I was totally dreading going as I didn't have a clue what to wear! Luckily, I found the perfect dress and it's so comfortable. So now I'm excited to wear it! Dad's super nervous about his best man speech, and he has nothing prepared for it. I feel bad because usually it's easiest for people to give speeches after a couple drinks, but he won't drink just incase you decide that its "time."
I have a feeling if you don't come before Saturday you probably will pick that day as a good day to come. Daddy will be in the wedding, Grandma & Grandpa will be down in Cortland for a family reunion, Aunt Erin will be camping without cell phone service, Nana & Papa will be with us at the wedding but will probably be drinking. It shall be interesting that's for sure!
Well it's time to go home to take the dogs for a walk and to hopefully make you "fall out."
Drs. appointment tomorrow! Maybe he'll send me straight to the hospital because you're ready! Oh wishful thinking.
I love you tons Bean! I can't wait to meet you within the next week or so!
Love,
Mommy

Happy birthday to me!

Dear Bean:
Today is my birthday! You would make the best birthday present! Just a hint of course! Today daddy and I are going to Black Lake
to go out on the boat and relax. It is most likely our last Saturday to just relax before you come! That is if you
come on time. Next weekend we have Uncle Paul & Aunt Dee's wedding so of
course we'll be busy!
Yesterday the doctor told me my cervix is starting to soften and I'm starting to dilate. He won't give exact answers because he wouldn't want me to get all crazy excited or be disappointed at next weeks appointment if the status hasn't changed any. But it made me happy. My body seems to be doing something to prepare for delivery.
Nana seems to think I'll go into labor after a family dinner. Well tomorrow we're havin family dinner at grandma and grandpa's to celebrate mine and grandma's birthdays. So maybe I'll go into labor after that and then you'll be born on 8-9-10 just like I want! We'll see!! We all know what my wishes on my birthday cake will be! ;-)
Well, better get ready to go!! I love you Bean!!
Make all my birthday wishes come true please!!
Love,
Mommy

Dear Bean:
So the changing of the sheets didn't work. Our walking isn't going so well. It's back to being super humid this week, so therefore I'm back to being full of complaints. I don't let myself get all worked up, I just have a positive attitude and hope like hell I go into labor. I'm pretty sick of people asking things like "You're still pregnant?" or "You haven't had that baby yet?" Does it look like I've had the baby yet?!?!
I'm still contracting...and they still aren't progressing into anything. Just when I start to think they're getting regular they fizzle out.
I went to the chiropractor the other day to get one last adjustment before your arrival and she adjusted my hips since they were out of line and also adjusted my pubic bone. When she went to do that though she said "No that baby hasn't dropped yet, its still up here." Ughhh. I sure as heck she's wrong! I mean my heartburn has subsided, well it's gotten alot less frequent, and I feel more pressure lower and I have to pee more. So I thought those were all signs that you've "dropped." We'll see tomorrow I suppose.
Yesterday I had someone at work paint my toes for me so I could have pretty toes in case I went into labor before I go get a pedicure (which I asked for a gift certificate to do so for my birthday) But anywho, my toes turned out really good and I love them!

If you're a girl, I will paint your toes for you!! Of course I'll have to do it while you sleep so you're not moving around all over getting polish everywhere it shouldn't be.
My energy to do as much is slowly decreasing, but I'm still keeping up very good on all the housework. I even gave the dogs a bath!! But I think the decline in energy/ambition is due to the fact that I have decided to give up on expecting you to come today, or whatever day it is, so I figured why use up all my energy on trying to be super prepared for you NOT to come yet?
Well we'll see what the Dr has to say tomorrow!! Hopefully something good!
I love you tons and tons Bean.
Love,
Mommy

Life is great

Dear Bean:
I had a really great weekend! Saturday daddy went to a bachelor party (and was super responsible and didn't get drunk so he could take me to the hossy if you decided to come...which obviously you didn't) But while he was gone I went out shopping with a friend and picked up the last of the things I needed for you. More crib sheets and the breast pump. I also picked up myself a pair of super comfy capris. I can wear them now and after you arrive. Then we went out for a late lunch/early dinner. Then I went and bought a yoga ball and a nice lamp and shade for your dresser. I bounced on that ball for about an hour Saturday night. It got me contracting throughout the night and I could hardly sleep. But nothing painful or anything. Then yesterday my nesting kicked into full gear! I got right up and went to the grocery store to get some stuff. Then once I got home I made monkey bread, did more laundry (at this point I'm just doing super small loads which annoys me, but I have the need to feel productive so if there's dirty laundry I wash it!), I had daddy take apart your bassinet and washed that, got on a chair and cleaned the ceiling fan, dusted the end tables and TV stand, washed the walls by the dog bowls (they're very messy when they eat and drink), swept and vacuumed all the floors, then I boiled some eggs for egg salad for me, daddy and for macaroni salad for tonights dinner, also marinated chicken for tonights dinner, made spaghetti for last night, cut up some cheese for daddy to have on his bagels for breakfast this week and I got my lunch bag mostly packed for today. Then after we had dinner, we went for a mile walk with the dogs and then came home and I watered all the plants and trees in the yard (let me tell you what, that 2 gallon watering can gets pretty heavy after walking all over the yard with it) Finally daddy told me I needed to shower since it was 9pm and I hadn't done that yet for the day. After my shower I still had energy so I bounced on my ball some more. I figured I'd sleep really well since I was so busy all day and didn't sleep well the night before, but no. I was up all the time. Had to pee, had contractions, was too hot, just couldn't sleep for no reason- it was annoying. So I was up bright and early when dad got up at 6. Stripped the bed down and got the sheets in the washer so we will have nice fresh sheets to sleep in tonight- I'm hoping that because I washed the sheets today my water will break all over them tonight. Again, doubt it, but I know you'll make an "inconvenient" debut!
Daddy and I are going to walk a mile every night after dinner from now on. If it doesn't help being on labor then at least it'll help me get into a little better shape before labor and get me back into the walking mood for after you come! I've always liked to walk, but then it was so super humid the past few months I was totally out of the notion to even move. And when it did cool down at night we were eating dinner! But now I'm more organized and on top of things and we'll be eating when I get home and then we can take our walk around 7:40ish.
So I'm looking forward to my drs appointment this Friday. I'm not sure why, I guess I always look forward to them. I even think this week will go by fast! I know today has seemed to already have flown by for me. And I haven't even been busy! Lets hope the rest of the week goes smoothly and I don't have any crazy meltdowns like I did last week. Ooooh and Saturday is my birthday!! Finally a birthday that falls on a Saturday when I'm legal to drink...and I can't. Oh well. I love you way more than any alcoholic beverage!
I love you Bean. I can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Mommy

Full Term!!

Dear Bean:
You are now considered to be full term and ready to come out- although I'm sure you won't decide to come before August 20th since you'll want to be fashionably late like I usually am. But I'm ready for you. Maybe not today, or this weekend, but anytime after would be perfect!!!
Daddy's cousin's wife Erica went into labor on Monday and had their baby on Tuesday night. They didn't know what they were having either and they ended up having a little girl- Layken Rose. She's beautiful. I'm super jealous they get their baby already. She was only a week ahead of me! I was counting on her having a baby then me waiting a week and having you! But I for some reason don't see it happening. And I'm not sure why. Maybe because I don't want to get my hopes up...I don't know. When I got to see a picture of Layken I forwarded it on to daddy and he said "Awh she's cute! I want one!" Now he's really getting super excited to meet you. He asks me all the time now "You going to pop tonight?" Then I tell him "No probably not" So then he'll drink a beer. Silly Daddy. But he is really anxious for you.
I've been having contractions for over a week now and they're starting to get more and more uncomfortable. Some I think could have been brought on by not drinking enough water, but lately I have been making sure I drink a gallon a day and I'm still getting them. I notice them more at night then any time else. I hope they're doing what they're supposed to be doing, like bringing your head down into my pelvis, dilating and effacing my cervix. I had a drs appt on Tuesday and now I don't go back until next Friday. Which I'll be 38 weeks then- I'm assuming he'll check for dilation or effacement then, not that it means anything. I could be 2 cm right now and stay there for another 3 weeks. I hope thats not the case. I'd love for him to check me next week and him tell me to head to the hospital because it's time. Wishful thinking.
But then again a part of me is saying to not wish my last few weeks of pregnancy away. What if this is my only pregnancy in life? I know I'm going to miss feeling you move and wiggle around in there. And those twice a day hiccup spells which make me giggle because they tickle. And these last few weeks are me and daddy's last few weeks of just us. It'll never be just the 2 of us again. So I'm trying to be patient while waiting for you and just be thankful that you're still in there cooking and growing stronger by the day and to just enjoy myself. Its just so hard though.
But in case you do decide to come any day now without much warning, I've been being super good at keeping up with the laundry and making sure every night when I get home I clean the house all up so we go to bed and wake up to an immaculate house. I would just HATE to come home with you to a huge mess of piles of laundry and a full dishwasher and a dirty floor. It'd really suck. So I'm being good and keeping super clean with no slacking! Although someone was just saying yesterday that of course the baby won't come when the house is clean! Probably the truth. You'll decide to come while we're super busy all week and I haven't had time to keep up with my cleaning and laundry. Oh well, life will go on.
Alright Bean, mom has to get back to work now. Trying to prepare for that extended leave!! :-)
I love you baby.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. Have I mentioned that you can come any day now? ;-)

2 More Saturdays?!?

Dear Bean:
Okay so there's actually 3 more Saturdays, but only 2 more for just me and dad to spend alone together. Next Saturday and then the following Saturday (which is also my birthday!) But then the Saturday after that is uncle Paul and aunt Dee's wedding and daddy is the best man. I'd really love it if you could be here before then so I wouldn't have to worry about finding the right size tent to fit over my belly and so I could bring you and show you off! It's getting so close to us meeting you!! I can't wait!! I just keep thinking about all the stuff I want to get done before you come so it doesn't seem like everything is all ready and we're just sitting around waiting on you to make your debut. Yesterday I got my bedroom carpet shampooed and the dogs beds washed. Daddy and I also planted 5 new trees in the yard. Well they're like really large shrubs that look like trees I guess. Today's task is to vacuum out my car since it has tons of dog hair in it.
I don't think I'll be bringing the dogs anywhere before you come. I usually only take them to the Antwerp store with me or somewhere like that, but they'll survive not going on mini trips with me for the next 3 weeks or so.
I start going to see the dr every week now. Which already it seems to make the weeks go by fast. It seems like I was just there and then I'll be back there again on Tuesday!
Okay off to get my car vacuumed before daddy gets home with the cleaning supplies to wash the outside of it.
I love you so much Bean!
Love,
Mommy

1 Month Left- You're being Evicted!

Dear Bean:
First we will start off with your eviction notice.
I am issuing 30 day notice for EVICTION. You will have 30 days in which you can either gather your belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, you will be physically removed from the property.
You are being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made!
Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper AND lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.
After 30 days from this day that you do not comply with the notice will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Now all that being said, I would love it if you would comply, as I really do not want to have you physically removed which would result in yet more destruction of property.

Sunday I was super tired so I took a nap with Daddy and woke up with the worst pressure and cramping and I started having contractions. Nothing regular, but some were enough to make me double over and take my breath away. The cramping is what bothered me the most actually. The contractions subsided after I went to sleep (unless I just didn't feel them while sleeping) and I only had a few yesterday morning, but I did have some very uncomfortable cramping all day yesterday. Apparently the cramping and few contractions in the morning did something to you too. You were soo super wiggley! I felt you more yesterday than I ever have in one day. I don't think you stopped moving at all throughout the entire day!
I had my last 2 week appointment today and asked about the contractions and cramping. I was told the contractions are probably just more Braxton Hicks, but only stronger to prepare us for labor and the cramping could be a sign that I need to drink more water (which is not the case because I have been drinking my recommended gallon per day) or cramping sometimes is a sign of dilation and effacement. But he didn't check to see if I was dilated any, just did the Group B Strep culture (which was slightly unpleasant) and checked your heartrate. Today your heart rate was 138, which is the lowest its been for you, but the Dr didn't seem concerned at all since it was still within normal range. I asked if he thought you would be a big baby and he says he doesn't think you'll be less than 8 pounds, which I don't think so either. He did say that in the next 2 weeks he'll be able to give a much better guestimate as to how much he thinks you'll weigh when you're born. I also asked if he thought you'd stay in there all the way until August 20th. He said "you're guess is as good as mine." But he said that it could be anytime from now until my due date since they wouldn't stop you from coming if you decided you wanted out now. I don't think you'll decide you want to come this early, but hopefully earlier than the 20th. I don't know why I want you to come before the 20th, I guess I just want to say you came earlier than "expected." Although at this point with BOTH of your grandmothers telling me I won't "make it til the 20th" I am expecting you to come earlier. I should get these crazy thoughts out of my head because I know I'm only setting myself up for disappointment when the 20th rolls around and you're still perfectly content living in my uterus still.
Well it's time for me to leave work and go home to daddy. I'm trying to convince him that funnel cakes and chocolate peanut butter swirl ice cream is a fabulous choice for dinner. We'll see.
I love you Bean. I'm ready for you to come out, so hurry it up! 10 more days and you're considered full term and should be good to go, so anytime after that would be perfect.
Love,
Mommy

5 Weeks Left and Feeling.....Jealous

Dear Bean:
I am 35 weeks pregnant today! You should be arriving within the next 5 weeks!!! Only 35 days- thinking about it that way is scary! If you are late, the very latest we should expect you would be 6 weeks, as my Dr will only let me go a week overdue before inducing.
So this jealousy thing, well it sucks. I just feel jealous of all sorts of people lately. Like Lori that I work with, her son & daughter inlaw- they had their baby on Tuesday and came home yesterday. Some of the women in my online birth groups are already dialting and are expecting their babies within the next week, if not days. I'm just jealous that I didn't get pregnant sooner and can't have you here sooner.
Next, I'm jealous of all the people being able to do all sorts of fun things this summer. For once in for forever there are actually fun things to do and I am unable to. The first one is the Alan Jackson concert- TONIGHT. It's going to be a big concert and TONS of people including most of our family and some friends will be attending. I even got 2 FREE tickets at work today. But am I going? No. I can't stand that long in this heat/humidity, or be so super close to a bunch of drunk people waving beers and cigarettes around me. I'd just end up super cranky and want to go home. So I'm being a nice sister and giving them to Aunt Erin & Todd. But I'm jealous I have to miss out. It sucks. Then the other concert is Gretchen Wilson with Chris Cagle, Eastin Corbin & Jamie Johnson. That one is only $40 for like 7 hours and I have to miss it because it is 2 days after you are due. I wasn't going to spend the money on it if I hadn't had you by then I wouldn't risk going and letting your daddy get drunk and again being around everyone so close to having you. And even if you are here by then you'll be way too new for me to voluntarily leave you for a whole day to go party. As much as I'd rather you be here than me to go to the concert, it's just the fact that I'm missing out. I hate missing out on stuff.
Next I'm just upset of what a beautiful summer this has been so far and I'm not enjoying it. I mean don't get me wrong I'm able to be outside and all, but I'm not really loving the heat. I am hating the humidity. It makes my feet and calves swell up and ache terribly. I'm jealous that daddy gets to come home every night and drink some beer to get refreshed and I come home and sweat my ass off and don't get to have a cold one. Ohhhh what a stupid summer for being pregnant. Last summer would have been way better. There was nothing going on and it rained all the time. I wouldn't have missed out on anything!
Okay Bean, my vent is over, along with my workday.
Love you and I will see you soon!!
Love,
Mommy

We have the basics- we're ready!

Dear Bean:
Today I went down to Babies R Us and got your carseat and stroller and an extra carseat base for daddy's truck. I also got a few other little things I needed as well. But now that we have your carseat we're ready! That was the only needed item we still had to get. We need to get the bassinet from nana's house still and I need to get some sheets for that, but I'm waiting for my Target coupon for that. Same deal with the breast pump. But other than that we're ready! You just need to cook at least* 3 more weeks to be considered full term, but I'd rather you wait 4-5 if you'd like to come early- just to make sure your lungs are fully matured!
Now I'm off to spend time with daddy on the deck and finally relax today!
Love you tons Bean!
Love,
Mommy

I am so excited for YOU!

Dear Bean:
I am so stinkin excited for you to come that I can't even stand it! I spend just about every night in your nursery wondering what else I can do to get ready for you. All of your blankets are washed and folded nicely onthe drawer under your crib, well all except for two. One fleece one and one swaddle one are in your diaper bag for the hospital. Last night I cut the tags off and washed all of your socks, hats and clothes newborn to 3 months. Man those newborn clothes are soooo teeny tiny I can't get over it! As I folded the stuff I held things up to show daddy he is amazed by how small your feet must be to wear all those little socks! I feel like that newborn stuff won't fit you for long! It says it's for babies 5 to 8 pounds....something tells me you'll be able to wear the stuff maybe just the day you come out. We'll see, I could be wrong. But then again I remember when your cousin Kaylee was born and we had to go put shopping for preemie clothes for her and she weighed 7 pounds something. I guess only time will tell what your body type will be and how much you'll weigh. And that time is only 6 weeks and 6 days! Or 48 days!!
Well Bean, mommy has some housework to do before I lose all ambition.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy

Next Month!

Dear Bean:
Every morning your father texts me and tells me to have a good day and that he loves me and whatever else he wants to say, and this morning it said "We're going to be parents next month!" Ahhhh Next month! Now when people ask when I'm due I can say next month! It seems so unreal. I bought a diaper bag last night (I finally found one I liked and daddy likes it too) and I started packing some of you things in that. I have no idea what to pack in it though! I know we won't need much for the hospital but your coming home outfit and a couple onesies oh and some blankets. But I packed up some other things too just because I was so excited. I put in diapers and the travel health care kit and wipes and lotions and butt cream. But now I wonder how many diapers will I need for each outing? I guess it'll depend on how long we'll be out! I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.
I just know the next 7 weeks will fly by! We have plans every weekend up to my due date, so that'll keep us busy. If only I could somehow make the work week go by faster. I just hate my job these days. I'm sick of sitting at a desk. I really hope to find a new job before I have to come back to the one I have when my maternity leave runs out.
I love you forever and always Bean.
Love,
Mommy

I Want My Body Back

Dear Bean:
As you know, I love you tons and tons. But these days I would love you about 100 times more if you were out of my belly. I'm just so uncomfortable now and I'm getting so irritated with the way I look I'm just ready to have you out and my body back. And by saying my body back, I don't even mean my prepregnancy body. I just mean my body to myself. The one I will be able to control how I look. The one that will get on a scale and see the weight go down instead of up everytime. I can't even remember the last time I could take a bath or even lay on the living room floor and get up all by myself. I want to paint my toes again, well I'd like to SEE my toes again! I want to be able to have some wine or Corona or some yummy alcoholic beverage, although not being able to really doesn't bother me as much as I expected it to, but it would be nice to have one at my own leisure.
I always said I wouldn't be one of those girls who complain about the way they look when they're pregnant, but now I can't help it. I knew I'd gain weight, that nothing would fit, that there was the possiblity of getting stretch marks, etc. But now I seem to be so surprised when I find a stretch mark or notice how much bigger my thigh got. At first I noticed some stretch marks on the insides of my thighs where I have always had them, I just started get a couple more. Fine, I could deal with that, and then one day I look and there was one on my love handle. Ahhh! Not very noticable and Daddy thought it was just a vein, nope, not so much. And then the other day I notice the ones on the inside of my thighs have started to kind of move to the back of my legs as well. And in that same day I notice instead of one on that love handle there are like 3! So I wanted to cry. I don't want stretch marks! But than again, ask anyone if they do and they'll all probably say the same thing. So then last night I lay down and see the bottom of my stomach in the mirror...and there it was. 2 just dots that will become stretch marks. They are no bigger than a pencil eraser, but I'm just waiting for the day I look again and they've either traveled up or down. Hopefully that won't happen and they will stay those 2 little dots. Daddy just keeps telling me that they are normal and they will fade away in no time at all after you are born. I sure as heck hope he's right. :-/

But on a good/funny note, last night Daddy decided to try to learn how to work a diaper. He didn't even know which was the front or back, so he needed some lessons. Well we have no stuffed animals, except for one little bear. So he put it up on your changing table and tried the diaper out on the bear. He did a pretty good job. He's seen enough diapers be changed to know what was going on.

I love you forever and always Bean.
Love,
Mommy

Baby-Que Was Fun!

Well Nana's Baby-Que for us was fun! We had a good turn out. It was good to see all of Daddy's family that we don't really see that often. We got lots of good stuff and I think we're good to go. We are still lacking the stroller/carseat combo, but I'm going down to Syracuse with Aunt Erin in two weeks and I'm going to buy that and we still need the breastpump, which we got enough gift cards to buy that now! We have a few returns that we need to make, so we'll get store credit for those and pick up those odd and ends things we still need!
Nana was so excited for the past 2 weeks about a surprise present she got for us and she finally got to give it to us yesterday. It's so adorable! I think you will love it! And it looks fabulous in your bedroom. It goes perfectly with the theme!

It's an octopus rocking chair that sings songs and does the alphabet! I love it!!
Now that we have just about everything we will need for you (at first anyway) I am so excited for you to get here I can hardly stand it! I need to get washing all of your blankets, clothes and towels and washcloths. I should probably start doing one load of laundry a night. I keep telling myself to wait so I have things to do instead of doing everything at once. But then I know if I wait too long I won't have time!! But we are ready for you! I've waited long enough and you are making more and more uncomfortable by the day! So hurry up and come out- when you're ready of course. We don't want to leave the hospital without you Bean!!
Love,
Mommy

Happy Friday

Dear Bean:
Well my rib pain turned out to be bruising on my rib and muscle around it due to your big butt shoved right up there. (Thanks) But I feel a lot better knowing that that is what it is and not a sign on Pre-E or a gall bladder issue. The pain has become less intense, but definately still there. My Dr recommended using a heating pad to help reduce the pain, so I did, but I guess you liked it a little too much. You made it worst and scooted your butt further up into my rib.
I can really tell that you're running out of room in there. I can now feel the difference between your butt, back, knee and sometimes I'll feel what I think is a foot. Daddy got to feel your boney little knee last night. You decided it would be cool to stick it right out the side of me making a buldge in my side- and it was cool Bean, Dad loved it.
Sunday is my baby shower that Nana is throwing! This one is a Jack and Jill "Baby-Que" It should be fun! I'm excited to see what we get at this shower since Nana forgot to tell everyone where we're registered! Hopefully the weather is nice and we can all be outdoors (unlike the last shower)
Hopefully we have a good weekend! Behave in there and lay off the ribs please!
Love you Bean!!
Love,
Mommy

Oh...The Pain of it All!

Dear Bean:
My rib pain is back. I can't take it. I can't laugh or stretch my arms upand it hurts to bend over. I sneezed this morning and thought I was going to die. And the pain hasn't subsided like it did on Monday. So I called my Dr. and the nurse said she couldn't get me in until this afternoon and suggested I go to Urgent Care. I don't really feel like anyone can do anything for it, I just want to know a reason as to WHY I am having this pain. So I am waiting for this afternoon to see my own Dr and not the Urgent Care Dr. This really sucks Bean. So stop doing this to mommy if you are the cause of my pain.
Then I wonder..."How the hell am I supposed to have a natural birth with no drugs if I can't deal with this pain?!?!"
But I keep telling myself that labor will be different. It makes sense. It's supposed to happen the way it does. And the fact that I don't want you drugged before you even enter this world.
I wonder if the cause for my pain is really you because they messed up my due date and you're almost ready to come and you're so big right now you have no room to go so you have to dislocate my rib. Hmmm wishful thinking.
Less than 2 months Bean. Hoooray!!! :-)
I love you baby.
Love,
Mommy

2 Months Left!

Dear Bean:
Yesterday was June 20th, which means we're now less than 2 months from your expected arrival date! Hooray!! :-)
So this morning about 2:30am I woke up feeling like I was going to cry I was in so much pain. My rib felt like it was broken. I thought either A- Your foot was lodged up under it or B- Your daddy elbowed me in his sleep. So I got up and walked around and drank some water trying to get you to roll over to the left side in case it was a foor or something, but you weren't budging. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was so painful trying to roll over and get comfortable, as well as breathe! But finally I was able to fall back asleep until about 5 when the dogs got me up. Again, still in pain, and by the time I fell back asleep after letting them out, it was time to get up again to get ready for work. While I got ready I tried to stretch but it hurt so bad. And bending over hurt even worst. It felt like something was popping in there and I could feel it all the way up my sternum to my collar bone just about. But after sitting in the car for 45 minutes on the way to work, it actually started to feel better. Its not all the way better, but I think the stretching helped. Or maybe you moved. Either way, I'm sorry if your foot or whatever it was that may have been jammed up there got hurt with me laying on it, but it hurt me too.
I finally got the preregistration packet mailed out, along with my birth plan. So now that that is taken care of, I need to get thinking about what I need to pack to take with me to the hospital. And what to take of yours. I don't think I'll bring any of your clothes, not that you have many. Maybe just some socks and onesies because I'm sure between your grandmothers and aunts you'll recieve lots of clothes as gifts once your born!!
I love you Bean!
Love,
Mommy

It's all about YOU!

Dear Bean:
I had a doctors appointment yesterday. It was with Dr. Eugene, not Dr. Dodard- our normal OB we see, just in case Dr. Dodard is unavailable when you decide that it's time to enter the world. I was told that you are between 2 1/2 and 3 pounds and that your head is finally down. I was worried about that, that you would want to be difficult and stay transverse and I'd end up having a C-Section because of it.

Today I have the case of the "blahs" I don't know if its the dreary weather or what. I'm just tired and bored and feeling huge and want to go lay in my bed. Just yesterday I was asked by Dr. Eugene if I was sick of being pregnant and my exact response was "No, I have no complaints!" And now today I am full of complaints. I guess I'm allowed to complain every once in a while aren't I? I was told I am not drinking enough water, so I've been drinking a ton today and peeing every 2 seconds, and that's annoying. Oh and while I was just in the bathroom I heard someone in the stall unzip their pants. Normal? Of course! But to me, not a normal sound I guess. It got me thinking as I washed my hands- "Someone got to wear jeans today? No, must be their dress pants have a zipper....that's odd, none of mine do. Oh wait! Normal not pregnant people do wear pants with buttons and zippers!" Bean, it's been a good 4 months since I've worn a pair of pants that I've had to button or zip. It's so strange. I mean don't get me wrong, I love putting on my maternity pants and not having to worry that I'm having a "fat" day and have to do squats to make them fit comfortably, but I do miss my "normal" clothes. I also miss wine, beer, mixed drinks....all of it. None of these things that I miss really bother me. I don't think about them at all really until days like today when I'm tired and moody and want to complain about stuff. But I shouldn't be complaining. I should be grateful that I haven't been sick throughout this pregnancy and that I am healthy and you are healthy and still growing accordlingly and that I will be able to meet you in about 2 months!

Everyone tells me that the last 2 months are the longest, but really, 2 months left means we've already gotten through 7 and they have flown! I also keep getting asked if I'm stressed about not having everything ready. I feel like the majority of stuff is ready for your arrival. There are just a few items left that need to be purchased (Carsear/stroller combo- next month, breastpump- most likely next month as well, and your swing- being bought on Friday by Grandma Karen) And we still have Nana's shower! So that should tie up some loose ends and I'll be able to finally do some of my own shopping and not worry about spending the money on it because I might get it for a gift. I don't want to have all these things done too soon because then it will feel like I just sit around and wait for you. I want to keep busy and not feel like I have enough time to do it! At some point probably around mid-July Daddy and I need to set up your Pack N Play, Swing & highchair- yeah yeah yeah you're probably thinking "Mom why do I need a highchair when I'm so small?" Well Bean, we picked you out a top rated highchair that has many features including 3 seat positions so you can lay in it and hang out with me in the kitchen while I cook dinner if need be! But anyways, I do need to get a hospital bag packed up for myself and a diaper bag ready to go for you. But I honestly am not sure what to bring. Will I want to get dressed in my nightgown while there, or just wear a hospital gown? What will I attempt to wear home? Do I bring you your own clothes? What size? If I bring the newborn size will you fit? Or should I bring 0-3 months? Do I bring the breastpump and some bottles or will we only be attempting feeding directly from the breast at the hospital? Do I need to bring all your bath products and lotions? What will the weather be like when we bring you home? Should I bring you a sweater? A knit cap? Socks? A recieving blanket to cover you on the ride home or a fleece blanket? All the decisions! If I end up bringing everything in question we're going to end up needing a huge duffle bag and Daddy won't be too happy about that! I know the important things to bring are toiletries for myself, something comfy to come home in, my Boppy pillow and our camera of course! Oh but speaking of the hospital and all that I need to mail out our preregistration packet! I better do that tonight!

Have a good evening Bean, try not to keep me awake or too uncomfortable tonight.
Love you tons baby!
Love,
Mommy