Devastation

Dear Kids:
Back in January, we found out the Nana's cancer was terminal and very rare as well as aggressive. She told me that the doctors had given her 2-4 months to live and she was not going to try chemo. I went to a second opinion appointment with her and was basically told the same thing. They said chemo would only add a few more months on. So she opted not to do it, if she only had a few months left she wasn't going to be sick from chemo.
Nana didn't seem any different. Maybe a little more tired, but she was still fun nana. Spoiling you babies rotten, popping over to play, having dinner and drinks with mommy & daddy...everything seemed normal. She even mentioned more than once that she thought all the drs were wrong since she felt so good! We had a birthday party for her that was supposed to just be us family at Wegatchie, but we invited old high school friends, the whole extended family, everyone who could come, came. She had a blast! I took so many pictures! It was such a great time!
She bought Teagan the coolest Thomas the Train rain boots and you just want to wear them everywhere. I don't think you've worn anything other than them since you got them at the beginning of February! And then you Miss Vivian kept trying to put them on so Nana bought you zebra print boots with pink bows. Oh do you love them! And they're so stinkin cute on you! Everywhere we go we get comments on them!
For Nana's birthday present we bought her and poppy a room at the Akwesasne Mohawk Casino in Hogansburg and daddy and I got a room as well as Greg & Kim. We were going to go the first weekend in March. But then Nana ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. So we rescheduled for a few weeks later. But again, Nana ended up in the hospital...that's when we learned that her cancer spread to her stomach, adrenal glands, intestine, everywhere in her abdomen. We also learned she was coming home on Hospice. They said they figured she only had about 2 weeks left....she lasted exactly 2 weeks from the day she came home.
The day she came home we brought you guys over to see her. For the most part she was normal nana. Vivian sat on her lap eating goldfish and putting every other one in Nana's mouth while Teagan sat next to her sharing a small cup of ice cream with her. Vivian hated the oxygen tubes in her nose and kept trying to pull them off her face. She just lifted it up and put it in her hair like she would glasses. Then that was the last time you (Teagan) saw Nana. I brought Viv over one Saturday while daddy and you slept. Viv- Nana was just going down for a nap after a bunch of visitors and I brought you over and you snuggled right up with nana in her bed. You had just woken up from your nap so you were still in a calm snuggly mood. It was just perfect. And then that was the last time you saw her.
She never wanted us to bring you guys over to see her once she was really sick. She didn't really want any of us to see her so sick. It was tough.
Explaining it was really hard. Teagan- we just told you that Nana was in heaven now and became an angel. You didn't understand and had a lot of questions which (with the help of a social worker) we were prepared to answer. You talk to her all the time and say things like "I'm going to show this to my nana!" And you hold up whatever it is you want to show her. The night that we told you we went over to Poppy's house and Wyette and Willow were there as well. We were trying to make a collage of pictures of all you kids with her with a poem signed from you guys. While we made it, all you kids were checking out all the pictures and pointing out what you were all doing in the picture with Nana. It was really sweet...then someone said "I miss nana." Then everyone was saying it and the meltdowns started. So basically there we all were crying. It was so sad. After that we lit a lantern and sent it up to her. We've been sending them up here and there. On Easter we were all at our own houses and sent them up at the same time. It was neat.

We'll never forget her. We have tons of pictures and memories and can talk to her all the time. She always will love us and keep an eye on us.

I love you babies tons to the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy

Bath Tubs

Dear Teagan and Vivian:

Before you guys came along I used to go to friends with kids houses and when I used their bathrooms I would see the shower curtain open with tons of bath toys scattered about. I would think "why wouldn't they put the toys somewhere and close the curtain?!" 

Ha! Now that I have kids...as in more than one...I see why now. Getting 2 kids out of the bath and lotioned up and dressed, there is no time to pick up toys. There are too many to fit in the designated bin anyway, and it's just not with the trouble when they'll all be out the next day anyway. 

It's funny how I was so quick to judge other parents before I had kids. 

Now I get it.
It's hard keeping up with life. Some days I have it all under control and others it's just complete chaos.
When the house is clean and we have groceries and I have a menu planned, life is so much easier. But I typically get cleaning done on the weekend as well as grocery shop and then menu plan and prep for meals on Sundays, but it just seems like I've been slacking.
Oh well. I'll figure out how to be organized and manage my time better at some point!
I love you babies to the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy

Walking!!

Dear Vivian:

You finally started walking!! You're so cute toddling around everywhere. It was right after New Years and you were already taking steps here and there and then finally just went. First it was after the cat and when you realized you were doing it you'd sit down, but then you got pretty confident and just started going. Now you're in to everything!

You got a new cousin on January 7th! Aunt Erin got induced in the middle of a huge snow storm. Luckily daddy stayed home with you guys while I went to the hospital and I didn't have to take you out in the nasty weather. I almost wasn't able to make it home. They were closing roads left and right and ticketing people that were out and about. Super scary week that's for sure. But you have a new baby cousin Zander. You guys got to meet him a few days after he was born. Teagan just loved him right up, but you didn't care too much for him, you were more interested in gouging his eyes out and shoving his binky in his face.
I hope you guys end up as close as I am with my cousins. Perhaps your relationship could be like mine and Sams! We're really close in age like you guys are.
Okay so anyway, I've gotta get going.
I love you to the moon and back Vivi Boo!
Love,
Mommy