Dear Teagan:
You are 10 weeks old today! I can't believe it! Last night daddy and I were talking about it and he asked "Remember when you were only 10 weeks along?" And ya know what? I hardly remember that at all. I hardly remember anything about being pregnant. I can't really remember my life without you here. And then dad said well I hope that doesn't happen to him. And I didn't understand what he meant, but what he was trying to say was that he hopes in a year or so from now we don't forget what it was like when you were 10 weeks old. I don't want to forget any part of you growing up. So now I'm torn. I only have limited time with you on weekdays. Of course you are my #1 priority, but there are things that I must do at home. I feel guilty washing dishes and doing laundry although it needs to be done because in that time I should be spending it with you. I could spend every night doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. and 10 years from now be doing the same thing every night and try to look back and not have any memories of you as a baby because I was too busy with life. I don't want it to be like that. I wish when I was home I could be all yours. I mean I could put you in the Moby Wrap or Bjorn and wear you while I get everything done, but then it's not fair to daddy. Ugh. I just want more time to spend with you.
I probably only get to spend about 50 waking hours with you a week. That's only 2.5 more hours than I spend between working and the time it takes to drive to and from work. It's not right.
So on that note, I have sent out my resume to a few potential employers looking for different jobs. I hope something comes along for me. Daddy thinks I should take the substitute position and hope like hell it gets me a permanent position with the school next year. I'm just worried I won't get called into work enough and I won't be bringing home any money. The health insurance is no longer an issue because in January I can go back on Gramma's insurance since I'm under the age of 26. And then I'll just put you on Child Health Plus which is a way better deal.
We'll see!
Time to rush home to you and our nightly craziness.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
2 Months Old Already?!?!
Dear Teagan:
You're already 2 months old (and one day)! Holy crap where does time go?!? Daddy was just saying how fast it has gone by and that in another ten months you'll be a year old. Which is only 5 more 2 months! It's crazy how slow time went by the whole time I was pregnant and now that you're out it's flying by!
So I've been back to work for a week now and it's going okay. It really sucks that starting this past Monday daddy started working out of town and doesn't get home until the same time as I do. So it's really hard to feed you, pump, freeze all the milk I pumped while at work, get dinner done, try to do laundry, eat dinner, give you a bath, get you ready for bed, read a story and then feed you and pump again all before 9pm when I want to go to bed. Last week at least daddy would be home and showered and he even had time to get dinner at least started before I got home, but now we get home at the same time and he needs to shower while I feed you and then pump. Ahhh its just so hard.
I get a little stressed out about your level of care with nana, although I shouldn't. I know she'd never do anything to hurt you of course, but I just am a bit crazy about how I want things done and for some reason my brain seems to think if things aren't done exactly how I do them you may not survive. Okay, not really, but I'm just neurotic about how I want things done. I guess I just have to let some things go. I know in all actuality, you'll be just fine. You're too young for anyone to really screw you up anyhow!
Well I have to get going. Time to go pick you up!! :-)
I love you tons and tons and I miss you terribly while I work!
Love,
Mommy
You're already 2 months old (and one day)! Holy crap where does time go?!? Daddy was just saying how fast it has gone by and that in another ten months you'll be a year old. Which is only 5 more 2 months! It's crazy how slow time went by the whole time I was pregnant and now that you're out it's flying by!
So I've been back to work for a week now and it's going okay. It really sucks that starting this past Monday daddy started working out of town and doesn't get home until the same time as I do. So it's really hard to feed you, pump, freeze all the milk I pumped while at work, get dinner done, try to do laundry, eat dinner, give you a bath, get you ready for bed, read a story and then feed you and pump again all before 9pm when I want to go to bed. Last week at least daddy would be home and showered and he even had time to get dinner at least started before I got home, but now we get home at the same time and he needs to shower while I feed you and then pump. Ahhh its just so hard.
I get a little stressed out about your level of care with nana, although I shouldn't. I know she'd never do anything to hurt you of course, but I just am a bit crazy about how I want things done and for some reason my brain seems to think if things aren't done exactly how I do them you may not survive. Okay, not really, but I'm just neurotic about how I want things done. I guess I just have to let some things go. I know in all actuality, you'll be just fine. You're too young for anyone to really screw you up anyhow!
Well I have to get going. Time to go pick you up!! :-)
I love you tons and tons and I miss you terribly while I work!
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
First Day Back to Work
Dear Teagan:
Today you are with Nana while I'm at work. It's actually not as bad as I had anticipated it to be. I got everything all ready last night. Your diaper bag packed, your clothes picked out, my lunch packed and all my pumping stuff packed. So this morning went pretty smoothly. We were out of the house by 6:55am and I had enough time to get you to nana's and go over a few things with her. It wasn't the leaving you part that sucked, its the fact that I have to be gone for so many hours. I miss you so much. I also feel so bad because I feel like you must be so confused as to why your mom would leave you! I'm coming back for you baby don't worry!! While I was in the shower this morning, you were in your bouncy seat and daddy came in to say goodbye to you and gave you some kind of talk. All I heard was that he would be super fast getting home after work so he could hurry up and get you. Then around 9ish he texted me asking if I had called and checked on you yet. I hadn't so then a while later he texted me back and said he called to check on you. He must have been worried about you as well!! At lunch at noon I called and checked on you too. You sounded happy. Nana put the phone near you so I could say hi and she said you started kicking at the sound of my voice and I could hear you chatting. You're such a good baby.
On Sunday you and daddy were twins!!
You guys look so much alike it's scary!
So I was a bit concerned about the pumping at work situation, but everyone is very supportive of it. I have a good schedule going and no one minds which is good. I'm pretty lucky to be able to pump when I need to. I know it's required by law now that employers have to give you a place to do it, but some people, such as teachers, don't have the opportunity to do it on a schedule. So I'm glad that I do.
Alright, I should probably get back to working.
I love you tons and tons baby.
Love,
Mommy
Today you are with Nana while I'm at work. It's actually not as bad as I had anticipated it to be. I got everything all ready last night. Your diaper bag packed, your clothes picked out, my lunch packed and all my pumping stuff packed. So this morning went pretty smoothly. We were out of the house by 6:55am and I had enough time to get you to nana's and go over a few things with her. It wasn't the leaving you part that sucked, its the fact that I have to be gone for so many hours. I miss you so much. I also feel so bad because I feel like you must be so confused as to why your mom would leave you! I'm coming back for you baby don't worry!! While I was in the shower this morning, you were in your bouncy seat and daddy came in to say goodbye to you and gave you some kind of talk. All I heard was that he would be super fast getting home after work so he could hurry up and get you. Then around 9ish he texted me asking if I had called and checked on you yet. I hadn't so then a while later he texted me back and said he called to check on you. He must have been worried about you as well!! At lunch at noon I called and checked on you too. You sounded happy. Nana put the phone near you so I could say hi and she said you started kicking at the sound of my voice and I could hear you chatting. You're such a good baby.
On Sunday you and daddy were twins!!
You guys look so much alike it's scary!
So I was a bit concerned about the pumping at work situation, but everyone is very supportive of it. I have a good schedule going and no one minds which is good. I'm pretty lucky to be able to pump when I need to. I know it's required by law now that employers have to give you a place to do it, but some people, such as teachers, don't have the opportunity to do it on a schedule. So I'm glad that I do.
Alright, I should probably get back to working.
I love you tons and tons baby.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
What Nobody Tells You
Dear Teagan:
There are so many things about being a parent that I didn't expect. So many things no one told your father and I! Yeah, we knew we'd be responsible for your life and that we'd forever be broke. But then there are things I wish someone would have told me. This entry is basically all me to go back and read before your brother or sister comes along. I'll need the reminder.
Labor & Delivery: I always heard about how it would hurt, but no one tells you about how you get checked all the time and how incredibily uncomfortable it feels. Not to mention right before it's time to push they give you a perinium massage which feels like someones giving you the fish hook on your mouth, only it's your hooha. Also you hear about womens water breaking, well my dr broke mine. I expected he'd break it and that was that, but no, fluid keeps coming out, and it's gross. Then at times I honestly wondered why people have more than one kid. Now pushing, the part you think would hurt, it doesn't. You're too focused on good pushes and hurrying up and getting it put you don't hardly feel the contractions while you push.
Recovery: No one told me that after I had you that I would need like 4 boxes of maxipads because you bleed so incredibly much. Also, I didn't know it was good to have dermaplast and tucks pads to help alleviate the burning "down there." Also, it hurts to walk kind of for a few days because your bones hurt. Or to stand up after sitting, the pressure hurts the bones. It just sucked.
Breastfeeding: breastfeeding is a lot like being pregnant still. You still have to watch what you eat, can't have too much caffiene, and you can't get drunk. It's interesting finding what upsets your belly. So far beans, onions, eggs (or at least egg salad) grandma's homemade spaghetti sauce, and the most depressing, apple cider. I really love cider and found out that you didn't like it at about 5am three mornings in a row when you would barf, more like projectile vomit, down my nightgown!! Finally it clicked that it was my nightly glass of warm apple cider. :-/ Also, you need special bras that I like to call easy access bras. Finding nursing clothes is a pain. No one sells them around here!! Since I'm home for now, I wear tank tops everyday and usually freeze. Same thing to bed. Then there's pumping. I pump after each feeding in hopes to have enough stored to be able to hopefully stop pumping in may or June and still give you breastmilk until you turn one! And pumping makes me feel like a cow. It's exactly the same process! Daddy, Nana & papa all call me the milk machine. Oh joy.
Overall: hot flashes!! Holy cow, it's insane!! What else is insane is how fast you grow. So many people say to enjoy every minute and it's so hard when you are exhausted from getting up every 3-5 hours. But if you really do sleep when the baby sleeps the exhaustion isn't so bad...I assume, I haven't taken the advice. In the begining I thought i was fine with the lack of sleep and now it seems like I want to sleep longer.
No one told me how I would feel the first time I made you smile. Not just gas, but a real legit smile. It's been happening for a week now and they're more and more frequent. That's the best thing about getting up in the morning. You are soo smiley. And at night when I put you in your crib i listen to you on the monitor from our bedroom and you will sometimes giggle in your sleep or you will talk to the stars on your ceiling. It's an amazing feeling being a parent. And about your dad- no one told me how our relationship would change. We're so much closer. I love to watch him sit with you and I love hearing him tell you stories. I never imagined how great he'd be with you! I mean I knew of course he'd be a great dad, I just didn't think he'd want to change so many diapers and give you a bath! How could anyone not want to give you a bath?! You love it and are soo happy!! You're also very happy when you get changed. We put stuffed animals in between the wall and the changing table and you noticed them right away, but now you reach for them as well as talk to them. It's so cute!!!
No one tells you when it's appropriate to call the pediatrician. Like when you kept barfing, should I have called then?
Oh so much has happened with you already that I didn't expect and I'm sure ao much more will! I just love it!!
I love you tons and tons baby boy!
Love,
Mommy
There are so many things about being a parent that I didn't expect. So many things no one told your father and I! Yeah, we knew we'd be responsible for your life and that we'd forever be broke. But then there are things I wish someone would have told me. This entry is basically all me to go back and read before your brother or sister comes along. I'll need the reminder.
Labor & Delivery: I always heard about how it would hurt, but no one tells you about how you get checked all the time and how incredibily uncomfortable it feels. Not to mention right before it's time to push they give you a perinium massage which feels like someones giving you the fish hook on your mouth, only it's your hooha. Also you hear about womens water breaking, well my dr broke mine. I expected he'd break it and that was that, but no, fluid keeps coming out, and it's gross. Then at times I honestly wondered why people have more than one kid. Now pushing, the part you think would hurt, it doesn't. You're too focused on good pushes and hurrying up and getting it put you don't hardly feel the contractions while you push.
Recovery: No one told me that after I had you that I would need like 4 boxes of maxipads because you bleed so incredibly much. Also, I didn't know it was good to have dermaplast and tucks pads to help alleviate the burning "down there." Also, it hurts to walk kind of for a few days because your bones hurt. Or to stand up after sitting, the pressure hurts the bones. It just sucked.
Breastfeeding: breastfeeding is a lot like being pregnant still. You still have to watch what you eat, can't have too much caffiene, and you can't get drunk. It's interesting finding what upsets your belly. So far beans, onions, eggs (or at least egg salad) grandma's homemade spaghetti sauce, and the most depressing, apple cider. I really love cider and found out that you didn't like it at about 5am three mornings in a row when you would barf, more like projectile vomit, down my nightgown!! Finally it clicked that it was my nightly glass of warm apple cider. :-/ Also, you need special bras that I like to call easy access bras. Finding nursing clothes is a pain. No one sells them around here!! Since I'm home for now, I wear tank tops everyday and usually freeze. Same thing to bed. Then there's pumping. I pump after each feeding in hopes to have enough stored to be able to hopefully stop pumping in may or June and still give you breastmilk until you turn one! And pumping makes me feel like a cow. It's exactly the same process! Daddy, Nana & papa all call me the milk machine. Oh joy.
Overall: hot flashes!! Holy cow, it's insane!! What else is insane is how fast you grow. So many people say to enjoy every minute and it's so hard when you are exhausted from getting up every 3-5 hours. But if you really do sleep when the baby sleeps the exhaustion isn't so bad...I assume, I haven't taken the advice. In the begining I thought i was fine with the lack of sleep and now it seems like I want to sleep longer.
No one told me how I would feel the first time I made you smile. Not just gas, but a real legit smile. It's been happening for a week now and they're more and more frequent. That's the best thing about getting up in the morning. You are soo smiley. And at night when I put you in your crib i listen to you on the monitor from our bedroom and you will sometimes giggle in your sleep or you will talk to the stars on your ceiling. It's an amazing feeling being a parent. And about your dad- no one told me how our relationship would change. We're so much closer. I love to watch him sit with you and I love hearing him tell you stories. I never imagined how great he'd be with you! I mean I knew of course he'd be a great dad, I just didn't think he'd want to change so many diapers and give you a bath! How could anyone not want to give you a bath?! You love it and are soo happy!! You're also very happy when you get changed. We put stuffed animals in between the wall and the changing table and you noticed them right away, but now you reach for them as well as talk to them. It's so cute!!!
No one tells you when it's appropriate to call the pediatrician. Like when you kept barfing, should I have called then?
Oh so much has happened with you already that I didn't expect and I'm sure ao much more will! I just love it!!
I love you tons and tons baby boy!
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Last Whole Week Home
Dear Teagan:
This is the last whole week we have to spend together. At first I had planned to go back go work tomorrow. But nana would only be able to watch you tomorrow and then she's going to Vegas so I would have to find a different sitter for you and I really don't want to have to worry about that the first week I get back to work!
I'm ready to go back to work because I get bored at home, but I don't want to leave you for so many hours. I also don't want to miss anything! I want to be the one there for all your milestones- first time you roll over or first step, first word, etc. I feel like having to work your first year is nonsense. Bullshit actually. Daddy keeps saying he's going to get rich so we can stay home together. That would be nice because then I would get a part time job just to get out of the house a couple hours a day, like 20-25 hours a week would be good!
Gouverneur school called me to offer me a substitute teacher position. It would be absolutely perfect, except since it's part time I wouldn't have health insurance. Well, you either since you're on my insurance. I could also see about getting you on child health plus.
Also, the daycare on Fort Drum is hiring so I need to get on my resume and get that sent in. That way, I would bring you with me and get to see you a few times a day at least. And then you wouldn't have to go to nana's everyday. It's not that I don't trust her, because I do very much, I guess it's a little jealousy? She'll get to see you all day everyday while I get only enough time to feed you, bathe you and put you to bed at night. I'm just very bitter about it.
You are going to get another cousin in less than 2 weeks! You guys will be in the same grade! Hopefuly you'll still be close although she's a girl.
Speaking of more family, your daddy needs to hurry up and just marry me already. I want to start trying to have another baby next summer. I would love to give you a brother!! Then we could wait a few years and have more!! Daddy even wants to try again next summer! Well hellooooo he better marry me or grandma might flip out! Actually, at this point I don't think she'd care. She's trying to convince aunt Erin and uncle Todd to have a baby and they don't even have a house!
Yesterday you had what I thought could have been blood in your poop. There were 2 like pieces of pink goo. So I kept an eye out for more, but nothing. But then after everytime you ate, you would throw up. And not just a little, but a lot. And it was like thick and slimey. I thought you were sick! So I took your temperature with a rectal thermometer. I usualy use a touchless one but thought maybe I should try the rectal to double check. Well, that was an experience! You pooped on me in the middle of it!! So then I had to take it again! It was normal. I thought maybe it just had something to do with what I ate. Finally before bed I fed you and for the first time that day you didn't throw up!! And today you are fine today!! You do have a stuffy nose though. I think you got a cold from daddy. He's had an icky cold for the past week. Also we went to grandma and grandpa's for dinner Sunday night and everyone over there had colds. I knew that, but it was pointless to keep you away from them. You were bound to get a cold eventually!
Yesterday we got DirecTV!! Woohoo! Finally for the first time in almost two years we'll have good tv! I also ordered daddy the NFL Sunday ticket! So now every Sunday you and daddy will be able to hang out and watch football. You do already, but now you'll be able to watch all the games!!
Okay time for me to shower and get a move on on the laundry! You're out of clean bibs since you've been barfing all over them!!
I love you baby!
Love,
Mommy
This is the last whole week we have to spend together. At first I had planned to go back go work tomorrow. But nana would only be able to watch you tomorrow and then she's going to Vegas so I would have to find a different sitter for you and I really don't want to have to worry about that the first week I get back to work!
I'm ready to go back to work because I get bored at home, but I don't want to leave you for so many hours. I also don't want to miss anything! I want to be the one there for all your milestones- first time you roll over or first step, first word, etc. I feel like having to work your first year is nonsense. Bullshit actually. Daddy keeps saying he's going to get rich so we can stay home together. That would be nice because then I would get a part time job just to get out of the house a couple hours a day, like 20-25 hours a week would be good!
Gouverneur school called me to offer me a substitute teacher position. It would be absolutely perfect, except since it's part time I wouldn't have health insurance. Well, you either since you're on my insurance. I could also see about getting you on child health plus.
Also, the daycare on Fort Drum is hiring so I need to get on my resume and get that sent in. That way, I would bring you with me and get to see you a few times a day at least. And then you wouldn't have to go to nana's everyday. It's not that I don't trust her, because I do very much, I guess it's a little jealousy? She'll get to see you all day everyday while I get only enough time to feed you, bathe you and put you to bed at night. I'm just very bitter about it.
You are going to get another cousin in less than 2 weeks! You guys will be in the same grade! Hopefuly you'll still be close although she's a girl.
Speaking of more family, your daddy needs to hurry up and just marry me already. I want to start trying to have another baby next summer. I would love to give you a brother!! Then we could wait a few years and have more!! Daddy even wants to try again next summer! Well hellooooo he better marry me or grandma might flip out! Actually, at this point I don't think she'd care. She's trying to convince aunt Erin and uncle Todd to have a baby and they don't even have a house!
Yesterday you had what I thought could have been blood in your poop. There were 2 like pieces of pink goo. So I kept an eye out for more, but nothing. But then after everytime you ate, you would throw up. And not just a little, but a lot. And it was like thick and slimey. I thought you were sick! So I took your temperature with a rectal thermometer. I usualy use a touchless one but thought maybe I should try the rectal to double check. Well, that was an experience! You pooped on me in the middle of it!! So then I had to take it again! It was normal. I thought maybe it just had something to do with what I ate. Finally before bed I fed you and for the first time that day you didn't throw up!! And today you are fine today!! You do have a stuffy nose though. I think you got a cold from daddy. He's had an icky cold for the past week. Also we went to grandma and grandpa's for dinner Sunday night and everyone over there had colds. I knew that, but it was pointless to keep you away from them. You were bound to get a cold eventually!
Yesterday we got DirecTV!! Woohoo! Finally for the first time in almost two years we'll have good tv! I also ordered daddy the NFL Sunday ticket! So now every Sunday you and daddy will be able to hang out and watch football. You do already, but now you'll be able to watch all the games!!
Okay time for me to shower and get a move on on the laundry! You're out of clean bibs since you've been barfing all over them!!
I love you baby!
Love,
Mommy
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