Two Kids..

Dear Kids:
Wow. I never imagined having two kids would be this hard. I've heard going from one to two was the hardest, but phew. Sooo tiring.
Teagan, the first few weeks was so rough for the both of us. Vivian needed me to feed her and you just wanted my attention. I felt so bad. One night we ate really late because we had company and you ate while I fed Vivian. You were done and were sitting in your highchair wanting to get down. You wanted me to get you down and not daddy. You asked me to hold you. I said I would as soon as I was done eating my dinner. I knew you were tired and wanted me to just hold you as I always do before bed. So when I got you down you climbed up on the couch to watch TV while you waited for me to get done eating. Halfway through my meal I looked over and you were sleeping. I felt horrible. I got done eating and told daddy to go change Vivian and get her pjs on. I picked you up and just held you. I felt so bad. All you wanted was for me to just hold you. I sat there with you in my arms and cried. I was just so overwhelmed by how needy Vivian was and how it seemed as though she was taking up all of my time. I felt like I wasn't being a good mom to you. It's gotten better, but it's still very trying at times. I think once I go back to work and you're back at daycare full time things will get easier. Everyone will be in a routine and life will run smoothly again. I think dinner will be the hardest time. When we get home it'll be time for Vivian to eat and it'll be hard to get dinner on the table in a timely manner.
You've been going to daycare twice a week. I get up and take you and daddy picks you up. It's a good break for me to get things done around the house and bond with Vivian and you get away from me. You don't nap for me at home. Just last week you wouldn't nap and you were just being crazy and I just needed a few minutes to myself. I heard you yelling from my bedroom saying you peed....on my bed. I went in and got you and brought you to your bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I told you I was upset. You felt bad and hugged me. After being home with me all day you don't want daddy to come home. You say things like "I don't like my daddy. I want my daddy to go to work." It's heartbreaking for him I'm sure. You want me to do everything for you. You won't let daddy take you potty or get you dressed. It's frustating when I'm busy doing something and you have to go potty.
Vivian, for the first few weeks your dad and I were pretty much convinced you didn't like us. You cried all the time & were just all around a miserable baby. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with you!
I'd like to apologize to both of you. We were all adjusting, myself included. Teagan, I'm sorry I couldn't give you as much attention as you were used to. I'm also sorry for being so short with you. Vivian, I'm sorry for being so impatient and frustrated with you.
I hope neither of you stopped feeling my love for you. I love you both to the moon and back, always. There will be plenty more times I get upset, frustrated and downright cranky with you guys, but never ever doubt my love for you.
Love,
Mommy