Devastation

Dear Kids:
Back in January, we found out the Nana's cancer was terminal and very rare as well as aggressive. She told me that the doctors had given her 2-4 months to live and she was not going to try chemo. I went to a second opinion appointment with her and was basically told the same thing. They said chemo would only add a few more months on. So she opted not to do it, if she only had a few months left she wasn't going to be sick from chemo.
Nana didn't seem any different. Maybe a little more tired, but she was still fun nana. Spoiling you babies rotten, popping over to play, having dinner and drinks with mommy & daddy...everything seemed normal. She even mentioned more than once that she thought all the drs were wrong since she felt so good! We had a birthday party for her that was supposed to just be us family at Wegatchie, but we invited old high school friends, the whole extended family, everyone who could come, came. She had a blast! I took so many pictures! It was such a great time!
She bought Teagan the coolest Thomas the Train rain boots and you just want to wear them everywhere. I don't think you've worn anything other than them since you got them at the beginning of February! And then you Miss Vivian kept trying to put them on so Nana bought you zebra print boots with pink bows. Oh do you love them! And they're so stinkin cute on you! Everywhere we go we get comments on them!
For Nana's birthday present we bought her and poppy a room at the Akwesasne Mohawk Casino in Hogansburg and daddy and I got a room as well as Greg & Kim. We were going to go the first weekend in March. But then Nana ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. So we rescheduled for a few weeks later. But again, Nana ended up in the hospital...that's when we learned that her cancer spread to her stomach, adrenal glands, intestine, everywhere in her abdomen. We also learned she was coming home on Hospice. They said they figured she only had about 2 weeks left....she lasted exactly 2 weeks from the day she came home.
The day she came home we brought you guys over to see her. For the most part she was normal nana. Vivian sat on her lap eating goldfish and putting every other one in Nana's mouth while Teagan sat next to her sharing a small cup of ice cream with her. Vivian hated the oxygen tubes in her nose and kept trying to pull them off her face. She just lifted it up and put it in her hair like she would glasses. Then that was the last time you (Teagan) saw Nana. I brought Viv over one Saturday while daddy and you slept. Viv- Nana was just going down for a nap after a bunch of visitors and I brought you over and you snuggled right up with nana in her bed. You had just woken up from your nap so you were still in a calm snuggly mood. It was just perfect. And then that was the last time you saw her.
She never wanted us to bring you guys over to see her once she was really sick. She didn't really want any of us to see her so sick. It was tough.
Explaining it was really hard. Teagan- we just told you that Nana was in heaven now and became an angel. You didn't understand and had a lot of questions which (with the help of a social worker) we were prepared to answer. You talk to her all the time and say things like "I'm going to show this to my nana!" And you hold up whatever it is you want to show her. The night that we told you we went over to Poppy's house and Wyette and Willow were there as well. We were trying to make a collage of pictures of all you kids with her with a poem signed from you guys. While we made it, all you kids were checking out all the pictures and pointing out what you were all doing in the picture with Nana. It was really sweet...then someone said "I miss nana." Then everyone was saying it and the meltdowns started. So basically there we all were crying. It was so sad. After that we lit a lantern and sent it up to her. We've been sending them up here and there. On Easter we were all at our own houses and sent them up at the same time. It was neat.

We'll never forget her. We have tons of pictures and memories and can talk to her all the time. She always will love us and keep an eye on us.

I love you babies tons to the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy